I heard from the psychiatrist last night and she said that if Oksana has an aggressive episode this weekend we are to take her in to the hospital immediately. Larry is going to be working most of the weekend. Because of that I have someone on call for today and Sunday to watch Anya on a moments notice. I also have a friend on call for the weekend to go with me to the hospital. She has a 9 year old that has been hospitalized multiple times because of his mental illness. So far Oksana is fine but I know all too well that things can turn fast. This morning I was still in my pajamas and she started hitting herself on the head. I rushed to get ready in case it escalated. It didn't. This is all just weird. I almost wish she would have just put her on a wait list for a bed and all I had to do is wait for the call.
They girls cheer this afternoon, we have church tomorrow morning, and we are going to lunch for Larry's birthday tomorrow afternoon so it is a busy weekend of things she enjoys so I hope that will keep her regulated.
To top it all off, Larry is going to a funeral this afternoon. The woman who died is the grandmother of a man named Jeff. Jeff and Larry grew up together. Their families were very close. Jeff was the best man in our wedding. After Evan was born I was deep in postpartum depression. Jeff's got married at the same time. Children weren't allowed so I was to stay home but Larry knew I needed him with me that night. It was a hard decision but he chose to stay home with me. He did not inform Jeff of this and it turned out that there was a fatal accident that night on a highway we might have taken. Jeff was extremely worried because Larry wasn't there yet. They called to make sure he was OK and found out that he wasn't coming. Jeff never forgave Larry for that and we haven't seen him since. He still has no idea why Larry wasn't there. Larry takes full responsibility for what happened on his end but it's a very sad story. So today he will see Jeff again for the first time in 12 years.
Weird....this weekend is just so weird
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
Days 20-27
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| These are two items I got from my time in Bulgaria. |
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| Larry is the video director at church so he uses me in his videos sometimes. This was at a video shoot we did last week. |
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| These are at Ranken Jordan, a pediatric specialty hospital where my girls get outpatient therapies. They twirl in the wind and make all kinds of different shapes. |
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| The challenge this week was "Red". This is my picture of the red in my happy place ;). |
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| Anya set my phone to take a selfie and turned it black and white. All I did is take the picture! |
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| Oksana's orthotics and shoes. You can see the wear on the inside of her right foot. That is her weaker side so she drags it when she walks. |
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| Oksana's meds. I have a love/hate relationship with them. |
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| Sabrina will like this one :). If you don't know what it is, it is a dalek from Dr. Who. The dalek is one thing but check out that sky! It's so pretty! |
Monday, January 26, 2015
Not great
The last couple of weeks with Oksana have not been good. At all. We've had a lot of firsts. First time she had a significant issue at church. First time she has had issues severe enough to require restraint at respite (4 of them). First time I had to call Larry home from work to help me. Those aren't the kind of firsts I want to be writing about. After consulting with her therapist I called psych. She was shocked we hadn't hospitalized her yet. She told me if I need to call my husband home again she wants her admitted. In the mean time she increased her mood stabilizer. Larry and I disagreed a bit on what warrants hospitalization so we had lunch with our friend who is on staff with NAMI. She gave us some wonderful insight into the pros and cons of hospitalization. Well basically there was only 1 pro. We ended up making the decision together that we will not hospitalize Oksana on a whim because of her behavior, unless it is blatantly dangerous. Had we hospitalized her the day Larry came home she would have been perfectly fine by the time we got there and we could have sat literally for days waiting for a bed to become available. Not happening. We can still manage her fine, we just need an extra set of hands sometimes. We ended up deciding that because the hospital is the only place we can safely do a major med change, that is the only way we are going to hospitalize her at this point. In that case we will make that decision with our psychiatrist who will then put her on a wait list for a bed. When one is available we will take her in. They can do major med adjustments in short periods of time there and monitor her 24/7. As soon as the med change is complete we would bring her back home.
So we increased her mood stabilizer on Thursday and last night she had a significant episode. Quite frankly if our psych knew about it she would want her admitted now. We have decided to watch for a few more days and then see if she levels out or not. If not we are going to be facing our first hospitalization. I have already prepared her for it. We talked quite a bit about why people with mental illness sometimes need to be hospitalized and what it would be like there. We even called a friend whose 9 year old son has been in and out of the hospital since he was 5. They gave us a good picture of what the days look like. I can't say she's thrilled but she understands that it might be necessary.
I'm not ready for this, but I'm getting there. I have no choice. At this point her med increases are coming fast and furious and a hospitalization seems to be inevitable. Her therapist said to be prepared for a lifetime of this. Maybe they get easier but I'm dreading the first. For now I'm going to see if we can hold it off longer and get this med increase to kick in.
So we increased her mood stabilizer on Thursday and last night she had a significant episode. Quite frankly if our psych knew about it she would want her admitted now. We have decided to watch for a few more days and then see if she levels out or not. If not we are going to be facing our first hospitalization. I have already prepared her for it. We talked quite a bit about why people with mental illness sometimes need to be hospitalized and what it would be like there. We even called a friend whose 9 year old son has been in and out of the hospital since he was 5. They gave us a good picture of what the days look like. I can't say she's thrilled but she understands that it might be necessary.
I'm not ready for this, but I'm getting there. I have no choice. At this point her med increases are coming fast and furious and a hospitalization seems to be inevitable. Her therapist said to be prepared for a lifetime of this. Maybe they get easier but I'm dreading the first. For now I'm going to see if we can hold it off longer and get this med increase to kick in.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Larry's gift completed
We have less than a week until Larry's birthday. I finished his gift and wanted to show you how it turned out. I took these pictures today right before I wrapped it :).
I can't wait to give it to him! I'll post when I do. I also need to do another update. Unfortunately it isn't a good one. It's been a VERY hard 2 weeks here. I'll post soon.
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| This is what I found to hold everything. |
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| Each section is labeled with a month. |
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| In each section is everything we need for the date. For example, this is December. It is a piece of paper showing that we are going to walk through night at the Celebration of Lights and a Panera gift card for hot chocolate. |
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| And this is November, the $10 mall date. The paper gives a description of the date and then the 2 $10 bills are in there as well. |
I can't wait to give it to him! I'll post when I do. I also need to do another update. Unfortunately it isn't a good one. It's been a VERY hard 2 weeks here. I'll post soon.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
Days 15-19
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| My view in the pick up line. I was photographing my last few moments of peace! LOL! |
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| The person who put together the 365 challenge that I am in gave us a specific challenge to take a self portrait and share more about ourselves. This was mine. |
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| All ready to cheer....green stripe and all! |
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| This was after a rather rough day. I love a fire! |
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| My neighbor's 25 year old son was outside and Anya convinced him to play ball with her. First they were standing but then she insisted they sit down. She was in her Christmas dress and a coat but that didn't stop her! I thought it was so sweet that this man who doesn't even have kids took time to come play with her and he even let her boss him around :) |
Friday, January 16, 2015
Cheerleading
The girls had their first game last weekend! I was very skeptical that this would go well! I didn't know if they knew the cheers well enough, if they would actually do them in front of people, if they could tolerate sitting through the basketball game, and if the sensory overload would be too much. They really blew my mind!
First Oksana....this girl was made to be a cheerleader! She had so much fun! She was by far the loudest cheerleader. She even did great on the sidelines. They do little chants while the basketball game is going on like "Let's go Upward, lets go!" She screamed these at the top of her lungs. She didn't care if anyone else was doing it or not. Quite frankly, she didn't even care if they were actually playing at that moment! She just loved everything about it.
Now Anya.....she also did far better than I thought she would! Her biggest issue was the whistle. I didn't anticipate that one. The girl is not a fan of whistles! She did one cheer with her ear on her shoulder the entire time! Once I convinced her that the whistles do not blow during cheers she stopped trying to plug her ears but she was still apprehensive :). On the sidelines she covered her ears and buried her head in my chest. She still did an amazing job! When she cheered she did so good and her favorite part was when the cheer was over and she could jump and shout! This week I am bringing ear plugs to help her.
Now to the pictures and videos :).
This first video is of a cheer called Dribble it, Pass it. I think this was the best one of all. This was before the whistle got to Anya.
This video is of the cheer where Oksana was really loud! You can hear her...even when you shouldn't be LOL! In each cheer a girl yells the name of the cheer and then the ready caller yells "READY?!" and the rest of the girls yell "OK" before they start the cheer. For this one Oksana was the ready caller. One of Anya's favorite parts of cheer is yelling "OK" as loud as she can :).
First Oksana....this girl was made to be a cheerleader! She had so much fun! She was by far the loudest cheerleader. She even did great on the sidelines. They do little chants while the basketball game is going on like "Let's go Upward, lets go!" She screamed these at the top of her lungs. She didn't care if anyone else was doing it or not. Quite frankly, she didn't even care if they were actually playing at that moment! She just loved everything about it.
Now Anya.....she also did far better than I thought she would! Her biggest issue was the whistle. I didn't anticipate that one. The girl is not a fan of whistles! She did one cheer with her ear on her shoulder the entire time! Once I convinced her that the whistles do not blow during cheers she stopped trying to plug her ears but she was still apprehensive :). On the sidelines she covered her ears and buried her head in my chest. She still did an amazing job! When she cheered she did so good and her favorite part was when the cheer was over and she could jump and shout! This week I am bringing ear plugs to help her.
Now to the pictures and videos :).
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| Even mom has a uniform! |
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| On the sidelines |
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| Me and my rascal. I am her helper. |
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| Oksana and her helper who is our in home respite provider, Aleisha. |
This first video is of a cheer called Dribble it, Pass it. I think this was the best one of all. This was before the whistle got to Anya.
This video is of the cheer where Oksana was really loud! You can hear her...even when you shouldn't be LOL! In each cheer a girl yells the name of the cheer and then the ready caller yells "READY?!" and the rest of the girls yell "OK" before they start the cheer. For this one Oksana was the ready caller. One of Anya's favorite parts of cheer is yelling "OK" as loud as she can :).
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
Days 9-14
Not a ton of inspiration lately so I'm just playing around.
Not a ton of inspiration lately so I'm just playing around.
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| I've been out of bible study for awhile and I'm getting back in with Nehemiah in February. |
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| This is in Larry's office. I can't remember what he called it now. Some sort of console for his audio work. |
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| Anya swinging in her sensory room. |
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| I'm doing a book study with some other moms who have adopted. This book is to heal the heart of a mother whose adoption dreams have been crushed because the reality did not meet their expectation. I'm really enjoying it. |
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| This is in Oksana's room. A great reminder for me on a really rough day. |
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| The rascal getting kissed by her dog :). |
Friday, January 9, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
I had a request to keep posting the pictures from my 365 day photo challenge. Ever few days I will pop on here and post my recent pictures. Here are days 4-8.
Off to find something to photograph today!
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| This was part of the stage design at church. I got on stage and on my back to take this one. I got some strange looks :). |
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| This one has grabbed me more than any other so far. This is Oksana's mood stabilizer with the teddy bear that we gave her the day we took her out of the orphanage. It contrasts the adult mood stabilizer with the childhood toy and represents the hopes we had for her that have been blurred by her mental illness. |
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| This was a day that I just could not find anything that inspired me. This was on a basket at Oksana's therapist's office. |
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| These are Ukrainian Pysanky eggs. |
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| This is Oksana at physical therapy practicing going down stairs alternating feet. I like this shot but I wish her therapist's hand wasn't in it! |
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Larry's Birthday Gift
Larry is one of the most impossible people to buy for. Honestly, we really rarely buy each other anything. We either don't have the money or we just don't know what to get. This year I got a fantastic idea from my friend Emily. I am putting together a date for every month of the year from Feb-Jan since his birthday is at the end of the month. This will be one date that is out of the ordinary and already paid for. I will be buying gift certificates, tickets, etc. ahead of time so we have no excuses. Each month will be in an envelope with what ever we need and a description of the date.
Here is what I have so far:
February - Rock Climbing! Just yesterday I got a groupon for a 2 hour training class on rock climbing and then a chance to climb. It's all indoor. We have never done anything like this and I think we will have a great time!
March - Chris Tomlin Concert! I'm so excited about this! Chris Tomlin is coming here with Rend Collective and Tenth Avenue North. It should be a wonderful night of worship.
April - Movie tickets. I found out that a documentary about Hillsong is coming to theaters in April and I know he will want to see it. If you aren't familiar with Hillsong, they write incredible worship music. Here's a link to the trailer if you are interested: http://hillsongmovie.com/
May - Picnic and walk around a lake at a park that we haven't been to in a number of years :).
June - Food trucks and live music at the river front. Our downtown area has a food truck night every other month from April-October. June happens to be our anniversary and we happened to get married downtown so we are going to listen to live music and enjoy food trucks!
July - Book store date. Here is a link to where I got the bookstore date idea. http://loveactually-blog.blogspot.com/2009/05/bookstore-date.html It's basically a scavenger hunt through the bookstore. Afterward we will get Orange Leaf, our favorite froyo place!
August - There is a huge festival every August also in our downtown area. We are going to go see all of the booths, crafts, and of course sample the festival food!
September - Bike riding on a local trail. There is a trail that is over 200 miles long that runs through Missouri and it happens to go right through our town. It is very scenic and relatively flat. There are restaurants, B&Bs, etc. along the trail. We are going to bike and see where it leads us!
October - Corn maze! OK so this might be a little juvenile but I think it will be so fun. I want to find a big huge corn maze and tackle it together.
November - $10 gift challenge. I found this idea on Pinterest too. http://www.the-generous-wife.com/2011/10/21/10-5-1-mall-date/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed:+50/ITcV+%28Daily+Generous+Wife+Tips%29 Basically you each get $10 and you have to buy the other person a gift and take 5 pictures that communicate a romantic message. After a set amount of time you meet back up and share your finds :)
December - Walk through Christmas lights. Our local Christmas light display has one night in early December when no cars are allowed and everyone can walk through. We are going to stop for hot chocolate and then enjoy the lights and a walk!
January - Art museum. I honestly think we have been here once and we had 2 kids with us. I'd love to go back and really enjoy it from an adult perspective. I found out that at 10:30 am they do a guided tour. I thought that might be fun and we can do it while the kids are in school.
I'm going to put each month in an envelope with everything we need for the date plus a little paper describing what we will be doing. I haven't quite decided on every detail yet but I did pick all of the dates and that was the hardest part! I'll keep you updated on this.
Here is what I have so far:
February - Rock Climbing! Just yesterday I got a groupon for a 2 hour training class on rock climbing and then a chance to climb. It's all indoor. We have never done anything like this and I think we will have a great time!
March - Chris Tomlin Concert! I'm so excited about this! Chris Tomlin is coming here with Rend Collective and Tenth Avenue North. It should be a wonderful night of worship.
April - Movie tickets. I found out that a documentary about Hillsong is coming to theaters in April and I know he will want to see it. If you aren't familiar with Hillsong, they write incredible worship music. Here's a link to the trailer if you are interested: http://hillsongmovie.com/
May - Picnic and walk around a lake at a park that we haven't been to in a number of years :).
June - Food trucks and live music at the river front. Our downtown area has a food truck night every other month from April-October. June happens to be our anniversary and we happened to get married downtown so we are going to listen to live music and enjoy food trucks!
July - Book store date. Here is a link to where I got the bookstore date idea. http://loveactually-blog.blogspot.com/2009/05/bookstore-date.html It's basically a scavenger hunt through the bookstore. Afterward we will get Orange Leaf, our favorite froyo place!
August - There is a huge festival every August also in our downtown area. We are going to go see all of the booths, crafts, and of course sample the festival food!
September - Bike riding on a local trail. There is a trail that is over 200 miles long that runs through Missouri and it happens to go right through our town. It is very scenic and relatively flat. There are restaurants, B&Bs, etc. along the trail. We are going to bike and see where it leads us!
October - Corn maze! OK so this might be a little juvenile but I think it will be so fun. I want to find a big huge corn maze and tackle it together.
November - $10 gift challenge. I found this idea on Pinterest too. http://www.the-generous-wife.com/2011/10/21/10-5-1-mall-date/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed:+50/ITcV+%28Daily+Generous+Wife+Tips%29 Basically you each get $10 and you have to buy the other person a gift and take 5 pictures that communicate a romantic message. After a set amount of time you meet back up and share your finds :)
December - Walk through Christmas lights. Our local Christmas light display has one night in early December when no cars are allowed and everyone can walk through. We are going to stop for hot chocolate and then enjoy the lights and a walk!
January - Art museum. I honestly think we have been here once and we had 2 kids with us. I'd love to go back and really enjoy it from an adult perspective. I found out that at 10:30 am they do a guided tour. I thought that might be fun and we can do it while the kids are in school.
I'm going to put each month in an envelope with everything we need for the date plus a little paper describing what we will be doing. I haven't quite decided on every detail yet but I did pick all of the dates and that was the hardest part! I'll keep you updated on this.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
New Year
I'm getting caught up so if you missed it check out the other blog I did today about Christmas.
We had a quiet but fun new year! The girls went to bed on time so we had their "party" before the boys. After dinner I made chocolate fondue and the girls got to dip pretzels, marshmallows, strawberries, and graham crackers in it! Then we played Memory. We adapted it for Oksana and even more for Anya but they had fun.
After we put them to bed we put the fondue together for the boys and we all watched Batman Begins while we gorged on chocolate! After that we played Heads Up. If you haven't heard of that it is an app game that was created by Ellen Degeneres. It's one of those games where you put the phone on your forehead and it has a word on it. The other people have to act it out or use words to describe it without saying the word or anything that rhymes with it. There are a number of categories and we had an absolute blast. We laughed so hard and it did a great job of keeping us up until midnight. One of my favorite Heads Up moments was when Evan had the word France on his head. We said "It's a country.....the capital is Paris......the Eiffel Tower is there!" He yelled "Pennsylvania!!!" We died laughing! At midnight we turned the TV on to see a countdown and then despite being wired from the game we all went to bed.
I'm not a resolution maker but there are a few things I am doing with a fresh start. The first is that I joined a 365 Photo Challenge. My friend started it. Basically you take a picture every day and post it on the Facebook group. I'm not a photographer but I do want to be using my camera more so I figured this would keep me accountable to be taking pictures. I am really bad about that. So far I am enjoying it so much! I've already learned 2 new things about my camera (I'm just using my iphone) and I'm thinking a lot more about documenting things that happen. Here are my first 3 pictures:
I also signed up for a new Bible Study this year. I have been horrible about studying, and haven't done anything organized since May. It's time to get back so I signed up for a study of Nehemiah starting in February. I'm also doing a book study with some other adoptive moms of a book called A Place I Didn't Belong. There's a long description, but the one sentence that grabbed me was "It's about reclaiming ourselves as women when adoption dreams shatter." I hope this will continue to be a year of healing for me as we walk this journey.
In my next blog I'm going to tell you about Larry's birthday present. I can't wait to give it to him!
We had a quiet but fun new year! The girls went to bed on time so we had their "party" before the boys. After dinner I made chocolate fondue and the girls got to dip pretzels, marshmallows, strawberries, and graham crackers in it! Then we played Memory. We adapted it for Oksana and even more for Anya but they had fun.
After we put them to bed we put the fondue together for the boys and we all watched Batman Begins while we gorged on chocolate! After that we played Heads Up. If you haven't heard of that it is an app game that was created by Ellen Degeneres. It's one of those games where you put the phone on your forehead and it has a word on it. The other people have to act it out or use words to describe it without saying the word or anything that rhymes with it. There are a number of categories and we had an absolute blast. We laughed so hard and it did a great job of keeping us up until midnight. One of my favorite Heads Up moments was when Evan had the word France on his head. We said "It's a country.....the capital is Paris......the Eiffel Tower is there!" He yelled "Pennsylvania!!!" We died laughing! At midnight we turned the TV on to see a countdown and then despite being wired from the game we all went to bed.
I'm not a resolution maker but there are a few things I am doing with a fresh start. The first is that I joined a 365 Photo Challenge. My friend started it. Basically you take a picture every day and post it on the Facebook group. I'm not a photographer but I do want to be using my camera more so I figured this would keep me accountable to be taking pictures. I am really bad about that. So far I am enjoying it so much! I've already learned 2 new things about my camera (I'm just using my iphone) and I'm thinking a lot more about documenting things that happen. Here are my first 3 pictures:
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| Anya's eyes |
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| Stretching Oksana |
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| Movies with Clayton in reclining leather chairs. My new favorite theater! |
I also signed up for a new Bible Study this year. I have been horrible about studying, and haven't done anything organized since May. It's time to get back so I signed up for a study of Nehemiah starting in February. I'm also doing a book study with some other adoptive moms of a book called A Place I Didn't Belong. There's a long description, but the one sentence that grabbed me was "It's about reclaiming ourselves as women when adoption dreams shatter." I hope this will continue to be a year of healing for me as we walk this journey.
In my next blog I'm going to tell you about Larry's birthday present. I can't wait to give it to him!
Christmas
Christmas day is always spent with Larry's family. We got up and the kids opened their presents from us and my mom since she is staying with us right now. The boys got electronics and the girls got a lot of princess and Frozen stuff. After that we got ready and headed over to my inlaws house and spent the day there. It was such a nice day that you could be outside without a jacket and only be a bit chilly. Very strange for Christmas day here!
The big surprise of the year was for Clayton. About 2 or 3 years ago, when Larry was still working at his parents' auto body shop, a car came in that was a total loss. We bought it very cheap knowing that we would need one in a couple of years. He knew we had it but it has sat wrecked all this time. Larry's dad decided to try to fix it and have it ready for him for Christmas. They wrapped it in wrapping paper and left it in the garage. When Clayton opened gifts he got a lot of car stuff like scrapers, cleaners, etc. He actually thought to himself "But I don't even have a car!" I went out in the garage to take pictures and then shortly after Evan and Larry followed. Finally my mother in law asked Clayton where we went. She said she thought she had seen us go into the garage and told him to go see what we were doing in there. He came out and he was shocked! 3 days later he was still saying he was shocked! He's driving on a permit right now so it's nice that he can learn in the car that he will be driving full time.
Oksana's favorite gifts were probably her music box with a prince and princes dancing in it when you open it and her Little Live Pets butterfly.
Anya loves her makeup brushes! She can brush herself to her heart's desire and she doesn't have to steal mine anymore! Her other favorite is the Elsa doll that talks and sings.
Evan got an ipod but he also loved his dalek (a Doctor Who thing), and his bag with a jumping horse and his name embroidered on it for his horse gear.
I'm trying to catch up on my blog so next will be New Years!
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