NAMI

I can imagine that there might be some of you reading this who have children or a family member with mental illness.  I knew nothing about mental illness before all of this.  Quite frankly it scared me.  The one experience I had was a family friend whose brother with schizophrenia killed his parents.  I'm going to be honest with you.  I grieved this diagnosis and I grieved it hard.  I was mentally and physically beaten and battered down after the events of last summer so I was already in a state of crisis and distress.  Still, I told myself that we would get this fixed, it was OK, it was temporary, etc.  It was then that we got the bipolar diagnosis.  Suddenly it wasn't OK and it sure wasn't temporary.  I was angry and I was scared.  The words "I didn't ask for this" came out of my mouth a lot....a whole lot. 

Now back up a bit.  When all of this first started to escalate Larry and I were taking classes to become adoptive parents through the state.  One of the trainers had a daughter with mental illness.  We talked to her about Oksana and she suggested looking into NAMI.  I find it interesting that through this whole journey she is the only one who ever said anything to us about NAMI.  I called someone from our local NAMI chapter and she said that NAMI Basics is a 6 week class designed for parents of children with mental illness and would be perfect for us.  I registered for that class twice and both times it was cancelled due to low enrollment.  Finally, they offered it again and had enough people to move forward. 

I've been in this class for 3 weeks now and I don't want it to ever end.  I look so forward to every single Thursday evening.  I don't know what I like more.....the incredible information that I get each week, or being in a room with people who "get it".  I walked out of the first class feeling like everything I had experienced and felt in the last 9 months had been normalized.  That was an incredible feeling.  Through the 6 weeks they will talk about the biology of mental illness, medications, doctors, schools, and more.  After all of the books I've read and experiences I've had I though this might be old news.  It's not.  Some of the information they are giving are things I've never heard anywhere else.

They have other classes and support groups offered so please look for your local NAMI chapter if you are affected in any way by mental illness.  It is now my mission to make sure that doctors know about this and tell their patients.  I already told my primary care physician and she had no idea.  How many people do you think she comes in contact with that could benefit from what NAMI has to offer? 

I had done a lot of healing recently, but this class has helped me understand and feel better equipped to parent a child with mental illness than anything before it.  Mental illness doesn't scare me anymore.  That doesn't mean I won't still have times of crisis and grief as we walk this road, and it doesn't mean I won't sometimes be scared of the future or of making hard decisions.....but I'm not scared of mental illness.  I didn't ask for this but I have it.  It's time to accept it for what it is and move forward for Oksana and for the rest of our family.

Easter

I know I'm posting this and it's technically not even Easter yet but it was for us!  This is a busy season for Larry so he has been working a ton.  It just worked out better to celebrate today.  Tomorrow we will hang out at home, have fun as a family, and eat candy all day :).  Maybe we will watch the Jesus Film for kids.  I have to decide if Oksana can handle that or not.  Sadly we won't be attending any services because I have 2 sick and snotty kids on my hand.  Just colds, but I wouldn't want them around other kids.  They were able to have fun today though and for once I actually got a lot of pictures so this is your warning that this is a picture heavy post!

Before I jump into today I'll share some egg coloring pictures from last night.

I'm not sure Evan is capable of taking a picture that isn't silly!

 

We started our morning finding baskets.  My mother in law does so much candy that it will last us until next Easter so I only do a little bit of candy.  I mostly do little gifts.  The boys got a book about Doctor Who and chocolate Daleks and TARDISes.  If you aren't a Doctor Who fan you will have no idea what that means.  My boys just discovered it a few months ago and they LOVE it.  The girls got punch balloons and little fuzzy ball things (I have no idea what they are called).  Anya got an Elmo guitar and Oksana got the new Tinkerbell movie.  All of the kids got silly string :).

This is what happens every time I try to get a picture of him!

Naked as usual.  She never wears clothes in the house.

Then we got everyone dressed and took a few pictures....of the girls.  I think the boys' heads were in Doctor Who books.

 

I love this picture of Larry practicing for Easter services while Anya watches intently!

After that we headed over to my in law's house to celebrate.  We had an Easter egg hunt (that Anya was NOT impressed with), played outside, ate, and had tons of fun.

The one egg she actually got before she decided this was all a bunch of bologna and started with a major attitude!

 

 Anya in time out for being rude!

Last but not least, we went home so Larry could head to work for Saturday night service and I took the kids outside for a silly string fight. :)

Yes, that is ME they are shooting and silly string on my camera!

Clayton coming out double fisted.

Clayton claiming victory :)!

Not a fan of silly string at all.  Honestly, she does know how to have fun as long as it doesn't involve egg hunts or silly string!

 

My back porch after it was over.  At least it was pretty!

All in all a very fun day.  I think I took more pictures today than I have in the last 6 months!  I am looking forward to a relaxing day tomorrow celebrating the resurrection!  Happy Easter!

Resurrection Rolls

Tonight was our night for our Easter tradition of making resurrection rolls!   This is one of my favorite traditions.  Last year we didn't do it because it involves crescent rolls and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to make this gluten free for Anya.  This year I had an idea.  I made gluten free biscuit dough and used that instead!  If you don't know what resurrection rolls are I will explain with pictures.

The ingredients include melted butter, cinnamon sugar, crescent rolls, and marshmallows.

The marshmallow is Jesus, the butter and cinnamon sugar are the oils and spices used in burial, the crescent roll is the cloth the body is wrapped in, and the oven is the tomb :).

First, take Jesus (marshmallow) and roll him in the oil (butter).  If you are Anya you will add another step here....lick Jesus!

Next, you take Jesus and roll him in the spices (cinnamon sugar).  If you are Anya insert extra step here as well....poor Jesus!

Now wrap Jesus in the burial cloth (crescent roll) and seal the edges.  This is where I wrapped Anya's marshmallows in the biscuit dough.

When your resurrection rolls are ready put them in the tomb (oven) for 3 days or until golden brown ;).

While waiting you may need to sample the marshmallows!



After 3 days (or 12 ish minutes) take your rolls out of the tomb and you will find that Jesus is gone!  He is risen!!!

Now it's time to enjoy your treat!

HAPPY EASTER!



Running

5K #2 was today!  This one was at the girls' school and all of the proceeds benefit the special ed department.  I really didn't think my boys would ever do another 5K after last weekend but when they agreed to I quickly signed us up.  Larry says he can't afford to feed my habit ;) so I think that will be my last one for a little while. 

Today's race was a 5K and a 1 mile run.  Evan and I did the 5K.  I don't think running is really Clayton's thing.  He decided sleeping in was way more appealing this morning!  Evan, on the other hand, may be a runner.  He seems to enjoy it and he ran hard today to beat his time from last weekend.  Last weekend Evan, Clayton and their friend did the 5K in 49 minutes.  They talked through the whole thing and ran a bit more leisurely.  I did it in 39 minutes.  Evan's goal was just to beat 49 but at one point I told him if we kept going at a good pace I thought he could beat 40 minutes.  Sure enough we did it in 38 minutes!  I'm very happy with that time.  I'm not interested in being the fastest.  I just want to enjoy it and not feel like I'm going to die at the end!  After the 5K our whole family did the 1 mile.  Crazy Evan decided to run it and try to get a fast time.....after he had already completed a 5K.  He's nuts.  He ended up pushing himself a bit too hard and felt like he was going to throw up at the end.  He was fine and is just hanging out and resting for the rest of the day.  The rest of us walked it and we had a wheelchair for Oksana.  She walked at the beginning and at the very end. 

It was so cool at the end.  As we were walking to the finish line everyone was screaming and cheering.  I could hear the girls' teachers screaming encouragement to them from the sidelines.  It was a very sweet moment.  Oksana loved it!  The school mascot came to get a picture with the girls.  Anya saw that I wanted a picture and turned her back to the camera.  She is such a stinker!  I called her name and managed to get a shot when she turned around to look at me :).

During awards time Oksana said "When are they going to call my name?"  I told her that they weren't going to call her name because they were only announcing the fastest runners.  I told her that our family has a lot of fun running but we aren't the fastest.  She said "I tried!"  I told her I knew she did and I was so proud of her but the people who win are very fast.  Even I can not keep up with them.  Then she got mad!  She thought she was going to win the race!  Oh well.  She managed to control herself and got over it fine.

Here are some pictures from our day.

 

A bunch of good stuff

Considering where we were at the end of last year I am thrilled with the progress we have made to help Oksana and help our family.  This week 2 things happened that I think are going to be great for us.  The first one is that Oksana started therapy.  Her therapist was fantastic with her.  The intention was that for the first session the therapist would just get to know Oksana and try to make her comfortable.  She was going to just ask her things like her age and favorite color and food.  Then she would play with her a bit and just build a foundation for them to work from.  Well after about 2 of those questions Oksana said "Can I just talk about my brain now?" and it turned into quite the therapy session! 

There were a couple of very revealing things that came out.  When Oksana was describing her imaginary people and all of the imaginary lands that they live in the therapist asked her what land she lives in.  Of course we expected her to tell us something like "the same one you live in" or "earth" or something of that sort.  Instead she went on to explain another imaginary world.  The therapist told her that we live on Earth in America and suggested that Oksana might want to leave her land and come to ours.  Oksana got VERY upset.  She said "DON'T say that".  She said that she does not want to leave her land because she loves it.  Later she mentioned that there is a window that separates her from the rest of us.  She is on one side in her land and we are on the other in our land.  She also spoke of seeing and hearing the people in her imaginary world. At the end of her session she went out to sit in the lobby and I spoke to the therapist alone.  She told me Oksana is completely detached.  She said there is a chance we will never get her to give up these people and lands.  I knew that was a possibility.  The people are starting to come out at school now too.  On the very first day of  kindergarten I told her that they were not allowed there.  She has never had a problem but this year they are coming more and more.  I am very excited for this step of therapy for Oksana.  I think it will be incredible.  I am counting down the days to her next session.

Before I mention the next thing that I am excited about I want to take a moment to share progress Oksana is  having in another area.  Her teacher came to me yesterday and told me that in the last 3 weeks or so she has been talking about her family a lot.  She says how glad she is to have a family and how much she loves us.  She said she talks about me a lot and how she loves to hug met, etc.  When we were done talking Oksana came out with her para.  She walked right up to me and gave me a big hug.  The para said "The whole way out here she was saying 'I want to see my mom!'".  Interestingly I have done a ton of healing in the last month or so.  I have struggled with tons of grief over Oksana's mental health.  I've taken steps to really take care of myself and it has proven very helpful.  I have really reached a place of acceptance and I am finally able to see Oksana separate from her mental illness and the behaviors it causes.  I am sure that she senses this shift and that is a big part of her renewed feelings for us.  I'm thankful to be where we are now because I know all too well that we won't be here forever!

The second thing that started this week is our NAMI class.  NAMI stands for National Alliance on Mental Illness.  They offer a class to parents of children with mental illness.  It was incredible.  It will run for 6 weeks and I can not wait for the next one.  In one session they normalized so much of what we have experienced and felt in the last 10 months.  We also got to be in the same room with other parents of mentally ill children.  It was awesome.

Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day here and we are running another race.  Evan and I (I think Clayton's running days are about over ;) are running the 5K and then our whole family is doing a 1 mile fun "run".  I can't wait!  Exercise is part of what I have been doing to take care of myself and it has made a big difference.  I'll be back soon with pictures from the race!

Happenings at our house

It's been a busy week around here!

We celebrated Oksana's birthday last week and then this weekend we had a party for both girls since Anya's birthday is in just a few weeks.  Oksana's request for her birthday was to have chicken parmesan and donuts.  Their party was at one of those inflatable places.  They had a blast!

It has become a tradition that Oksana gets a balloon of her age.  She anticipates the next one pretty much as soon as her birthday is over!

 

 

This is pretty much what every picture looks like from the bounce house.....a blur!  I love this one because it shows my no fear Anya flying down the slide!

Anya and her aunt.

Oksana and her best buddy, Gretchen.

The crew!  Our boys opted out of this shot ;).  Of the 8, 7 have special needs and 5 are adopted.  Coolest party ever!

 

This past weekend the boys and I ran a 5K with our friends.  It was a HUGE race.  I think about 3,000 people ran and it was a ton of fun.  This was my second and their first.  I can't say Clayton is a big fan of running but he did it and I am very proud of him!  Evan actually seems to be enjoying it and wants to do another race.  I signed us up for another one this weekend.  Evan and I are running it for sure, but Clayton is still undecided.  We will run the 5K and then we are going to do a 1 mile walk with our girls.  All of the proceeds go to help the special ed department at the girls' school so it will be lots of fun!

I told the boys to make a face that shows how they feel about running a 5K!  LOL!

That's better :)