Adusting

I thought I would take a moment to blog about how each of us is adjusting to our new family:

Anya - Wowza.  Just 5 days makes a difference.  What a total joy this child is.  Her aggression has been cut at least in half.  She is SO much calmer.  We aren't exactly rocking and reading stories yet but I also don't feel like I am chasing her all day.  She sat for long periods of time today playing with toys and it was wonderful!  She went to Target with us and sat nicely in the cart (while I fed her a snack to keep her entertained).  We still have plenty to work on.  She is still a little too friendly with everyone and still has no concept that we are mom and dad.  We are working hard on that.  We are limiting visitors, limiting the length of the stay of the visitors we have, and we are firm on her boundaries for ANYONE except us.  We are already seeing some improvement. I ended up removing her ability to feed herself.  We are trying hard to make her successful, especially until she understands us better, so to avoid the food being thrown I now control the food and feed her.  It's good for bonding anyway.  She is already signing "more", "dog", "swing", and "drink".  She's not always consistent with them but she has used them.  More and swing are the 2 favorites :).  She verbally says "more" and "hello", and she understands more of what we are saying to her each day. 

Oksana - Overall she has really amazed me.  I expected this to be MUCH harder on her.  We had a rough day yesterday but nothing she did was anything that I wouldn't expect to see from ANY child her developmental age who was coping with a new sibling.  She went back to school today and I was very ready for that.  She had a pretty bad meltdown once today but otherwise did OK.  The teacher is sure that it isn't quite as much about Anya as that she was gone for a week and needed to see if the rules still applied.  At home we've added in a reward and a consequence for her behavior at school so we are hoping that will help her fall back into place a little faster.  Tonight at home we thought she acted more like herself than she had since Anya came home.  She was less obsessive about Anya and was more relaxed overall.  I hope that this is a sign that this is becoming her new normal.  On a side note she saw her neurologist for a follow up on her Risperdal and they are thrilled with her results.  On Monday she sees the pediatric psychiatrist for her autism evaluation then on Wednesday we go back without her to talk with the psych more and get her input.

Evan and Clayton - I'm doing them together because I'd just be repeating everything in a different paragraph.  They are doing great.  They are spending less time in hiding :) and more time interacting with Anya.  I think they are able to enjoy her more but I can still they still don't feel 100% comfortable with her yet.  I do think they really like her though and they love seeing her do new things.  It will just take time for them to feel as comfortable as they do with Oksana.  They started back to school today too so life is moving forward  now and they are doing great.

Me and Larry - I think we finally have a groove down.  Those first couple of days felt like chaos!  Now we feel better about the time we have with our kids and we are amazed at how our family is less than a week in and feeling almost normal again.  I know I've said this before but we are light years ahead of where we were the first time around.  We both think Anya is just a doll and are truly enjoying her.  She's still a rascal to the extreme but we are seeing more and more of her sweet natured personality and we are so glad to have her in our family!  Seriously, of all 4 of my kids this has been the easiest adjustment.  I will tell you one area that I am struggling.  I feel bad because I do think Anya is so precious.  She jumps in my arms and lets me kiss all over her sweet little face and I could do it all day (until she bites my shoulder....see it's not all flowers and sunshine ;).  I will share with you that it took me months...,maybe even years to feel that way about Oksana and I still struggle with her sometimes.  She has been a very hard child to love, but now that I have no doubt I am madly in love with Oksana I can say that she continues to be a hard child to like sometimes.  I've had moments where I've felt guilty for feeling that way and moments where I've felt angry at what we were put through when she came home.  Not angry towards her at all just general anger that our family was put through that.  Not many people will understand this but I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with PTSD because of her experience bringing a child just like Oksana home.  I really don't believe I have it but I can TOTALLY see how that would happen and trust me when I say I've had my fair share of issues because of that experience.  I know I'll get to the point where I can love and adore all of my children for who they are no matter what, but right now guilt is following me for my feelings for Anya. 

So that's the written update and here are a few pictures.

I can't wait until I can tell Anya to smile and she will understand me!

Until then I have to try to catch her smiling like in this blurry picture of the girls together that I LOVE!

Another blurry one...what can I say...the swing moves!  Still, I love the legs :).

She loves all toys that play music to be right on her ear.  This is one of her favorites.

Life lessons...

Anya's life lessons:
- You are not the boss.
- If you hit someone with it you will not see it again for a long time!
- If you throw your food your meal is over.
- No means no...even if you cry :).
- If we know you are perfectly capable of signing "more" so that you can swing but you choose to grunt at us instead your swing will not move.
- Just because you smile at us does not mean that you can hit us, otherwise known as "you are cute but it won't get you far in this house"!
- If you can figure it out, we have a way to childproof it!
- We will never run out of kisses to give you.
- You can hit us a million times and we will still love you. 
- Yes it is true that when we are frustrated with you your sweet smile and a hug can make it all better....that doesn't make you any less frustrating sometimes :).
- These people might not be as crazy as you thought they were...in fact they might just be OK after all!

Mom and Dad's life lessons:
- Watching your child with DS put her feet over her ears will never cease to amaze you after spending two years with a child who has to be continually stretched to have a decent range of motion.
- Do not take your eyes off of her.
- She can reach the box of wipes and when she does they will be scattered all over your living room faster than you can blink.
- Adopting another child will show you that Oksana's early days came with some blessings too.  She loved to rock, cuddle, and read books.  These are things we'd love to do with Anya if she would sit still long enough.
- It will take 4 children to get one who goes to sleep this easy.
- It's been awhile since you've had one in diapers.  Don't forget to change it :)!
- Even the easy adoptions are hard but it is nice to know that adoption doesn't have to come with major emotional turmoil.
-It's OK that you aren't madly in love right now.  You know from experience that it will come.
- Watching your kids all play together will bring you joy that makes every single frustrating moment worth it.
- You say you are done...4 is enough....but we'll see about that :).

Anya's home!

Well I have had a wonderful and much needed break from blogging, facebook, etc. but I'm popping back in everywhere to say that Anya is home!  Those of you who have followed my blog for awhile know the struggles we had when we brought Oksana home.  This could not be more different.  Don't get me wrong.  It's exhausting and hard but in a whole different way.  Oksana is doing far better than I EVER expected.  I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of her!  Something tells me Risperdal has a thing or two to do with it!  She goes back to school on Thursday so I'm anxious to see how she does with that transition.  Anya is testing every limit out there but as soon as she starts driving me crazy she does something super sweet and I get over it pretty quick :).  She is literal non stop motion so Larry and I are busy ALL DAY LONG.  It's been quite an adjustment adapting to 4 kids.  We just said today that we had gotten so incredibly comfortable with 3 kids, and we know we will get there again, but right now it feels a bit like chaos and we aren't feeling like we are doing a great job of meeting the needs of all of our kids.  Our boys are adjusting fine but Anya can be, well....., a bit much.  She isn't gentle at all and she dives on the boys, hits them, and gets in their face.  They like her they just really don't know what to do with her yet.  I think when she calms down a bit...she will calm down, right?.....they will enjoy her a bit more. 

So I do feel ready to get back in the swing of things as far as this blog goes but seriously sometimes I hardly feel like I have time to go potty (is that TMI? :) so I'll be back as much as I am able to.  There is so much I'd like to share with you about the last couple of months but I just don't have time for backtracking so I'm going to move forward from here.  To start I'll post a few pictures...and I do mean a few.  I haven't had much of a chance at all to take pictures since she's been home!  I remember it being the same with Oksana too so I'll do my best to get some good pictures in here when I can.  Our friend Nicki met us at the airport when Anya came home and got some great shots.  I'm so thankful for her or you might be looking at a very blank blog.  If you're friends with me on Facebook, I apologize, because you are getting these twice but if not enjoy!...

A new name and a new life!

The title of this post is the same exact title of a post I wrote back in June of 2010 when we went to court and became the parents of Oksana Valerie.  Today in a court room in Bulgaria we became the parents of Anya Rose!  Of course we weren't there but the email this morning was exciting enough and caused quite the celebration in our house!  It will be a couple of weeks before we get a better idea of when she will be home.  Everything has kicked into high gear here.  There is much to be done before that day.  To start, we have physical preparations still to be made.  We need to childproof our house, get her a car seat, etc.  All those little details that we need to tend to as we get closer to her arrival.  Besides that we have been working hard, hard, hard on the boys' school work.  I know from experience that homeschooling doesn't get easier with the addition of another child!  We are trying to get as much good solid work in as we can before Anya comes.  That will make me feel better when we have to miss days here and there for extra doctor appointments, rough days, etc.  Besides that we have some emotional preparation to do.  I've mentioned this before but I am very concerned about how Oksana will respond to Anya's arrival.  We've made some changes at school (I'll address this briefly before I end here), and the meds are finally starting to make a difference so I am cautiously optimistic, but based on what happened after we came home from Bulgaria the first time, I'm prepared for the worst. 

Lately I have struggled to find time to blog and I promised myself today that I would blog our court date so that I have it on record!  Because we are only going to get busier I'm giving myself permission to just back off for awhile while our family prepares and eventually adjusts to Anya's arrival.  I'll pop on here when I can, definitely to tell you when she is home, but I'm not stressing over documenting every moment like I usually do.  I'm not sure how long I will break but I probably won't be back on a regular basis until Anya is home and we are feeling a bit of new normal.  I've backed off of Facebook too.  I just need to be 100% about my family right now but I'm not gone for good!

In the mean time I wanted to link you to this blog written by Ellen about the special friendship that Nina and Oksana share.  I think you will enjoy it!

And quickly before I go I wanted to say that last week we had a fantastic IEP meeting.  We have pulled Oksana off of the bus so now I take her and pick her up.  She is also spending more time in the special ed room with her fantastic special ed teacher who is working so hard with her.  We also put her in adapted art and music (she was already in adapted P.E.).  We are already seeing the results of these changes and we are hopeful that with the meds we are on the right path for Oksana to be able to be peaceful and happy...something we definitely felt we were losing as her obsessions and behaviors increased.

Ok my time is up and I'm off to make my family dinner.  Thanks for listening.  I'll be back soon!

COURT DATE!!!!!!

I am in total shock today.  Earlier this summer we were told that the courts in Bulgaria are closed from July 15-September 1.  After that we would have to sit through a backlog of cases and should not expect to even get a court date until October.  Well today I got an email that said that one of the judges is back at work and has already scheduled our court date for

SEPTEMBER 14!!!!!!!!!!!!

At 1:30pm in Bulgaria which is 5:30 am here on September 14th our lawyer will be representing us in court!  Assuming all goes well, and there is no reason to assume it won't but you also can never count on anything in international adoption, we will then officially become the parents of Anya Rose Loraine!  So the big question everyone wants to know....and I do mean EVERYONE because we have been asked this question a million times in the last 2 weeks.....is WHEN WILL SHE BE HOME?!

Well, of course, we aren't sure.  October-ish.  I should know more after court.  For now we are just celebrating an unexpected blessing!

School

We are on day 7 of school so I thought I'd just post some thoughts on these early days.  This year I have kids in 8th, 5th, and 1st.  Clayton and Evan are homeschooled and Oksana is in public school.  There isn't a ton to tell about Clayton and Evan....at least not that I would share publicly since they read this!  It's been a good start for them.  They are taking writing classes online this year which takes a big load off of me.  I love to write but I despise teaching it to 2 children who despise doing it!  They are especially enjoying science.  We are using Apologia for the first time this year and I'm kicking myself for not using this earlier.  Evan is studying Anatomy and Physiology and Clayton is studying General Science.

This is Clayton's experiment on density in nature.  He refused to be in the picture.  I wanted him to wear those awesome goggles that came with his science kit :).  Such a spoil sport!

This is Evan's edible cell complete with gelatin for cytoplasm, jelly bean mitochondria, Skittles lysomes, Smarties golgi body, fruit roll up endoplasmic reticulum, sprinkles for centrioles, and a gumball nucleus!  He is downstairs right now telling Clayton "The mitochondria was pretty good!"

Oksana's story of school is, as usual, far more involved. Here she is on the first day of first grade (if you are a Veggie Tales fan like me you can't help singing "Billy Joe McGuffrey" when you read that)!

I'll start with the good.  She has a new special ed teacher this year.  I ADORE her and so does Oksana!  She has a TON of experience with autistic kids and behavior problems.  It is like she was brought to this school for Oksana.  I had heard about her from other parents, and from Oksana, but I met her for the first time last night.  I seriously almost did back flips out of the school.  She is all I'd hoped she would be!  Oksana's whole team this year blows my mind.  We are so incredibly blessed by them.  I had heard so many horror stories about kids with special needs in the public school system, but I have had the opposite experience.  I am listened to as if I am one of the most important parts of the team and they truly respect my opinion.  I feel the same way about each of them. 

Now the not so good news.  Her aggression has already started.  When she is stressed she is grabbing at children.  Now this might sound innocent enough but it isn't at all.  It is a classic Oksana response and one that will send my blood pressure through the roof in .2 seconds.  Her grabbing is mean, it is a grip of steel, and she does not let go for anything.  Now, in the scope of things this is still mild.  She hasn't had the huge outbursts with the massive aggression but still, I am shocked that it is happening again so fast.  When I found out I immediately sent a text to my friend, whose son is autistic and also on Risperdal.  I told her I was freaking out because I was afraid the meds weren't working and I was going to have to live through last year all over again.  She assured me that I need to give it at least 6 weeks to fully work into her system (we are one day away from 2 weeks and not all of that has been at the full dose).  She also reminded me that this isn't a cure all.  She will still be obsessive and she will still be aggressive but it will be better.  I could breathe better after that.  Her special ed teacher is already on it and has a plan in place for when she gets like that.

We have an IEP meeting scheduled for September 10th.  I'll be counting down the days.  We are going to talk about lots of ways that we can reduce that stress in Oksana.  She did FABULOUS at summer school so we know it isn't all about school but more about the setting we have her in.  Time for some changes.

We pulled the trigger....

After writing that last blog I dropped off the prescription while I attempted not to start crying in front of my children or the nice lady at the pharmacy.  When I got back home your comments started coming in.  I also began texting and emailing a couple of friends who have  kids on medication.  I was amazed by the support and encouragement I received.  Everyone either verified what I was already thinking or helped me see a whole new perspective on how this can help her.  I went from choking back tears and thinking I'd start "some day soon" to freaking out that I had waited too long!  A couple of people told me how beneficial it would be to start her before school so that I could monitor side effects.  That made such good sense especially since her new teachers won't know her well enough to know what is typical for her and what is a side effect.  So she has had 2 doses of her medication.  I know it can take time for side effects to kick in but so far so good.  I'll have 4 solid days to watch her before she starts school on Wednesday.  Like many of you said....it is a step in finding what works for her and we really need to work on finding something to help her before Anya comes home.

For those of you who have commented....THANK YOU!  I was so nervous about putting this out there but now I'm so glad I did.  You were all a great encouragement to me.  The truth is that there are very few things on  my "thanks but no thanks list" but autism is one of them.  Now I know why...there is no aspect of who Oksana is that has been more challenging than the behaviors that may be related to autism.  If it isn't autism they had better be ready to explain to me what it is!  I am so so thankful that autism was not on her report from Ukraine because we would have easily passed over her if it had been.  Believe me, there are days when I think "I didn't sign up for this", but overall I'm just thankful that God sometimes keeps us in the dark to accomplish His purposes for us.

My next step is to tell school and ask them for an IEP meeting sooner rather than later because with this new information about her there are some changes I want to make at school too.  Our goal is to reduce stress at school...some ideas we have are taking her off of the bus, increasing her time in the special ed room, etc.  The reality is that learning really couldn't happen last year and won't be able to happen until we deal with her emotional and mental health.  My hope is that this is a step towards a healthier and happier Oksana who can continue to grow, learn, make friends, and become all that God created her to be!