Some Ultra Anya Cuteness

I have a video that I thought might be fun to share and then a handful of pictures that I've taken on my phone.

The video shows 2 clips. The first one is from tonight. We were standing in the kitchen and in comes Anya wearing my high heel boots! She had gotten them on all by herself and was walking all over the house in them! The next one is at the grocery store. Anya loves for us to blow raspberries on her neck so through the whole grocery store she would throw her head back in the cart and blow to show me that she wanted me to do it over and over again. It cracked me up!

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She loves her sister's glasses!

Ready to wrap.

She's rockin' it!

Why do I buy toys?

Another version of a picture I posted on Facebook.  Brothers are so fun:).

Celiac Disease and a Lesson Learned

In all of the business of trying to keep Anya contained I haven't had a chance to mention that she was diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  In all of the blood work that our pediatrician did she screened for Celiac because it has a higher rate of occurrance in kids with Down Syndrome.  A normal number on this test is 4.  Our GI doctor said usually if a kid comes back with a number around 20 she will do an upper endoscopy to confirm.  Anya's number was over 100!!  No further testing necessary.  She is officially gluten free.  So of course, by default, my other family members are getting a ton less gluten in their diet.  I haven't made everyone else go gluten free but I make one dinner now, not one for them and one for her.  Our pasta the other night was brown rice pasta.  No one seemed to mind.  They even like some of her gluten free snacks and will ask for them over theirs.  Now get this....Oksana goes to school Monday and has one of her best behavior days in WEEKS.  Is this a coincidence?  I just don't know.  I do know that some people speculate that a gluten free diet helps kids on the autism spectrum.  I say speculate because the evidence is weak at best.  I might be grasping at straws here....OK I know I am grasping at straws but goodness if it helps even a little bit I'm all over it.

So I asked Oksana what she thought about going gluten free.  She was SO excited!  She wants to be like Anya and her special ed teacher, who is also gluten free.  I reminded her of the things she would have to give up and so far she is fine with all of it.  I really don't know how far I'm going to go with this but it certainly can't hurt.  In fact I really wish Evan would go gluten free too.  He has always struggled with GI issues and I think this would really help him.  That is a MUCH harder sell.  Let's just say he is less than thrilled with the idea :).

After yesterday's post about our lockdown and Anya's behaviors I wanted to give a quick update.  Anya has done so much better since we tightened her restrictions again!  In fact we have had little to no problems with the things she had been doing.  She can't handle the amount of freedom we were giving her at this point.  She was doing well with the firm boundaries which is exactly why we can't take them away.  That is my huge mommy lesson learned for this week! 

It's official....

The honeymoon is over.  After my last post my friend, Ellen, asked if it was possible that our honeymoon was over.  I really didn't think so.  We never had a honeymoon with Oksana so I didn't even know what a honeymoon looked like.  Now I can easily say it is over.  When Anya first came home our house was locked up better than a high security prison!  Through the first month she showed me that she could be trusted with a little less security.  We got lax about keeping doors closed that had child proofed door handles on them.  We  got a little more comfortable keeping the gate to the basement open and allowed her the freedom to go up or down to play as she pleased.  We trusted her to be in a room without adult supervision (always in ear shot though) without fearing that she would destroy anything or hurt a sibling.  Now....

WE ARE BACK ON LOCK DOWN.

Anya has lost almost every privilege we gave her and we are back to square one.  The honeymoon is over.  She can not be trusted for 5 seconds alone.  She has taken to smacking Oksana across the face, throwing things at her brothers and hitting them, finding every single possible thing she could do to get in trouble, etc.  At first I thought I just wasn't entertaining her enough.  I've used a lot of your suggestions and it is getting worse instead of better so we are on a high level of restrictions until she can learn what her boundaries are here a little better.  This morning was a good example.  She has cups with lids but they are not spill proof.  I have let her have free access to her drinks with  no problem until recently.  Now she will find a spot to sit and dump the water all over herself, so she has lost the ability to have control of her drink.  Then when Evan let her in his room for just a moment and then told her not to do something she bit him.  We are in a ZERO TOLERANCE mode on her behaviors because when we let some of them slide just a little, because we thought she could handle it, they came out with a vengeance.  This is how we have had to handle Oksana's behaviors too.  She is what we call a "given an inch, take a marathon" kid.  Of course we wanted to give Anya a chance to show us if she really needed that level of firm discipline as well and she has proven to us that she does. 

This makes my day a lot harder but that is OK with me because first of all, I know that the hard work I put in now will make my life easier later.  Also, I know that she will be in school next year so I just need to make it through homeschooling this year and do the best I can with what I have.  It also helps that I have talked to a couple of friends who have kiddos just like her.  They both encouraged me that this will get better.  They have confirmed that what I am doing is on the right path, given me some other tips, and encouraged me to stay consistent.  So now I can start praying that relief comes sooner rather than later!

The novelty has worn off

For a solid month Anya played her heart out here.  She thoroughly enjoyed the new people, the new toys, and the house with all kinds of rooms to explore.  Leaving the house was a source of distress for her so we tried to keep that to a minimum, but still slowly get her acclimated to being in public.  Since the month mark Anya has decided that the novelty of all of this has worn off.  She has suddenly decided that the toys here are boring, the rooms have been explored to the extent that we will let her explore them, and going out in public is a fun new adventure now that she's convinced no one is going to take her and run.   Because of this Anya spends a good part of her day following us around and asking to eat or go bye bye CONSTANTLY.  How is it that a child who lived 5 years of her life in a room the size of my bedroom with hardly anything to play with can decide in a month that she must be thoroughly entertained at all times or life is boring?!  As I type this she is standing at the table staring at Evan while he is eating lunch hoping to get some...she JUST ate a very good lunch....and then every 15 seconds or so she turns to me and asks to go bye bye.  She does this by blowing kisses.  I finally just started blowing them back at her because I've made it clear that we are not going bye bye right now.

When Oksana came home there were a couple of things I could do if I needed to entertain her for a good period of time.  Any water play would thrill her for a long time and she was amazing at not making a huge mess.  She'd also watch one short video (that is still her attention span for tv) if I really needed down time like when I needed to cook dinner.  Those things saved us.  It's different with Anya.  If I give her water she will create Noah's flood in my house.  TV does not interest her unless we are all sitting right there watching it with her and even then she'd prefer not.  I've tried shaving cream (not real thrilled with that since she started at it and whined the whole time :), a rice box (imagine Noah's flood but with rice....and that was supervised!), play doh (now she did like this but only for a little while), reading books (still not a big book kid but getting a bit better), and singing songs (this will entertain her endlessly so if you want to sing The Wheels on the Bus 10 Million times in a row come on over!).  On the other hand if you leave the bathroom door open she will entertain herself endlessly until you find her with toothpaste all over her face.....but I wouldn't know that from experience ;).

I'm really a loss of what to do with this kid!  I still have to homeschool my boys during the day so I can't just run around entertaining her.  I'd love to know if anyone has any ideas for a 5 year old with DS, developmentally much closer to 18 months, who spent the 5 years she has been alive in an orphanage, is non-verbal, is a rascal, and doesn't have much English yet!

Just a kiss?

Do your kids kiss you?  I bet they do.  My boys did at one time.  Now they are way too cool for that so all I get is a cheek if I'm lucky, but they look forward with anticipation to the time each night when Larry and I wrestle them to the ground and kiss them before bed :).  I think kissing is something we sometimes take for granted as parents.  Oksana has NEVER willingly kissed us.  Some combination of being raised in an institution, RAD, and/or being on the autism spectrum has made this something she is not willing/able to do.  If we ask for it she will, with some resistance, and by that I mean she will get her face somewhat close to ours and make the noise.  She thinks it is fun to have us hold the boys down while she "kisses" them the same way because little sister kisses are, after all, a form of torture!  Still, this has always been when prompted.  She has never given a kiss to anyone in this family out of her own desire to do it.

Yesterday something pretty astounding happened in our house.  Oksana was sitting in her chair for dinner and Anya was trying to push the chair in for her.  I was standing in the kitchen watching, to make sure Anya's motives were pure ;), and this is what I heard Oksana say:  "Oh are you helping me?  You are such a sweet sister." and then I witnessed her lean in and give her a kiss!!!  Now, of course her lips didn't even touch her.  It was one of those get your face close and make a sound kisses but it was a KISS....a willingly given kiss to another human being!!!  We were shocked.

All evening I thought back on some of those months between May when we met Anya and October when she came home.  I was full of fear.  Oksana's reaction to us going to Bulgaria was nothing short of extreme.  She had almost reverted to some of her early days in her behavior.  Add that to the discovery that Anya was a hitter and I really thought this was going to be a recipe for disaster.  I prayed A LOT in those months for the relationship between the girls and for Oksana's adjustment.  I wasn't shy about asking anyone I could to pray along with me!  My motto was "expect the worst and hope for the best".  I remember saying to Larry one day "I hope that sometime in the future I can say that having a sister was good for Oksana."  Yesterday that hope became reality.  Our prayers have truly been answered.  Does that mean everything is perfect.  Of course not!  But what a special gift that the first person to get a kiss from Oksana was her sister.

Bullet Points on Anya

There is so much I want to write, but time is an issue this week so you are getting bullet points!

- Anya has been very busy at doctors lately.  The big news is that "Surprise" she had heart surgery in Bulgaria.  This astounds me because the medical records we got were very thorough but...whoops...they forgot to mention that she had heart surgery.  How that happens we don't know, but welcome to international adoption.  We first suspected it the first night she was home and we discovered a scar on her side that looked a whole lot like a chest surgery yet we had no record of that.  Cardiology confirmed it and the good news is that they closed one hole, the other closed on its own, and she has a NORMAL heart and has been cleared from cardiology!!!

- In other news after numerous tubes worth of blood work we learned that it is quite likely that she has Celiac disease.  Her celiac panel came back over 100....average is 4!!!!  She sees GI at the end of this month to confirm but the nurse said with numbers like that we should be ready to make her gluten free....not quite yet though in case they do decide to do an upper endoscopy to confirm.

- Anya will also go to a Down Syndrome clinic at the end of the month and do a whole bunch of stuff there including neck x-rays (standard for kids with DS), a hearing test, etc. all in one stop shopping ;).  This is similar to what we do with Oksana at the CP clinic at Shriners.

-  She is continuing to do AMAZING.  She is a rascal for sure but she is understanding more and more.  She has earned her food back at the dinner table and is doing fabulous.  She now signs "more", "eat", "drink", "swing", "book", "carrot", "shoes", "dog", "grapes", "help"....hmmmm...I think that might be it.  She still struggles to pull out the right sign when needed so sometimes we get "grapes" for "shoes" :) but she is coming along nicely in her communication.  I had a video of her signs but it is sideways so I have to see if I can get another one.

- I blogged quite awhile ago about her name change and at that time I couldn't share her given name.  Now I can!  Her name was Yoanna.  We really did intend to keep it but after seeing the responses on people's faces when we'd tell them I kept wanting to say "I didn't name her!".  I knew we couldn't spend the rest of her life doing that so we decided on an adapted version of it that became Anya!

-  Anya eats incredibly well.  Her favorite food is probably blue corn tortilla chips!  If she sees the cabinet open that they are held in (yes, it does have a childproof lock), she will be there in a split second.  She also loves fruit of all kinds, she eats veggies like they are candy....oh and she loves candy too!  Going gluten free won't be as hard on her as it would be on the other 3.

- If Anya ends up in time out the number one reason will be for hitting or scratching her siblings.  The number 2 reason will be for direct disobedience...with a smile on her face...did I mention she's a rascal?

- And finally, this one has nothing to do with Anya, but I'm so excited I had to share.  We had a staffing with Oksana's IEP team today about her visit with the psychiatrist and it was so encouraging.  They all reported great strides in behavior, ability to transition, etc. since the increase in Risperdal.  And this, my friends, is proof that for some people the right meds provide quality of life.  I pray that this is the beginning of great things for our Ukrainian princess!

I'll leave you with a fun picture of our Bulgarian Beauty!  This is from our family photos that we just had done this weekend.  To get her to smile we just had to sign "carrot" :)!  For some reason she thinks that is the funniest sign!  To see more check out the side of my  blog :).

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Homeschooling with a "rascally one"

As my title indicates we have nicknamed Anya "the rascally one" :).  We worked hard at the beginning of this year to get some good schooling in because I knew from experience that things would get really interesting one Anya arrived.  Here is Evan trying to do Science today:

Everything looks innocent enough, right?  Evan is reading about the Respiratory System and Anya is checking out the toy catalog from Target.  What could go wrong?

Oh look, Anya found a CD sitting on the table next to her and she decided to see what it would be like to flip Evan's hair with it.  Notice he is not disturbed by the rascally one :).

Boy look at how proud she is of her discovery!  A CD on Evan's head is just fascinating, but it produces no good reaction!  Look at him just sitting there when she is obviously enjoying herself so much!

Hmmmm...what if instead of flipping his hair with it she just bops him with it...will that get a reaction out of him?!  No?  Seriously?  What does she have to do to get this kid to pay attention to her?!

OK, if that won't work she'll climb on him and kiss him!  You can guarantee that if you try to kiss Evan you will get a reaction!  I think Science is over for today :).

Sweetness

I'm on a blogging kick now so look out :). It's feast or famine on this blog. This video is of my very favorite part of every day. The girls do their bed time routine together and Anya quickly caught on to the fact that we all kiss before bed so she loves to kiss Oksana! It's the sweetest thing ever and Oksana loves it! I feared how having a new sister would affect Oksana but I can honestly say I think it has been GREAT for her!

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Psychiatrist

Post #2 for the day so be sure you check out the Halloween pictures!

We met with the pediatric psychiatrist for Oksana.  After a huge load of paperwork, time spent with Oksana, and time spent with me, this is the list we were presented with:

-mood disorder
-anxiety disorder
-Post traumatic stress disorder
-autism spectrum disorder (specifically PDD-NOS)
-Reactive attachment disorder
-ADHD (The one that I disagree with.  She is VERY active.  She really does not sit still much...but....it does not affect her negatively, nor does it affect our family or her school negatively.  The good news is that if down the road there does become an issue we don't have to start from scratch...the diagnosis is there.  Until then I'm just kind of ignoring this.)

So my first reaction was "WHAT?  SIX NEW DIAGNOSIS?!"  After a good cry...or two...or three...or maybe it was just one really long one, I realized that really they are all interconnected so many of them aren't separate diagnosis but rather the effects of just one or two of them.  Does that make sense?  Well if not it did to me and it made me feel better so I'm going with it. 

So what does this mean?  Not much really.  We did increase her Risperdal dose.  I was actually going to request that even if the psychiatrist didn't recommend it.  She's doing much better on it but there is definitely room for improvement.  We started the new dose today and she had a great day at school.  I know it's only day 1 but hey, I'll take it!  I asked the psychiatrist if she was going to add any medication.  She was not at this point and I was very thankful for that.  We are focusing on what is most adversely affecting her life right now and tackling that.  In the end this doesn't change who Oksana is but it sure helps us to understand her better.  It definitely sheds some light on what we have been seeing from her.  I have requested a staffing with her IEP team so that I can share this with them all in one place and we can have it formally documented in her records.  That has been scheduled for the 13th.

The psychiatrist said 2 things that really stood out to me.  One was that Oksana is a miracle.  She said that the fact that she is functioning like this considering all we've learned is amazing.  She said that we are on the right track with her and need to keep doing what we are doing.  That was good to hear.  She also totally and completely confirmed my feelings about her placement in school.  That was also REALLY good to hear since I've felt a bit like some of our IEP team thought I was going a bit overboard when I requested that we significantly decrease her time in the regular classroom and increase her time in special ed.  They never said that, it was just my impression from some of the comments made.  The psychiatrist went as far as to say that she should not be in the regular classroom at all.  For now we will keep her in there because it's just for things like story time, and she is doing fine, but I do think that once she hits around 3rd grade and story time and calendar are replaced with paper pencil work she will rarely be in the regular classroom, if at all.  I had also asked that they focus this year on her emotional health and behaviors and let academics come secondary.  The psychiatrist said the exact same thing before she even knew that I had requested that.  Oh yeah....it feels good when those mommy instincts kick in and do their job right!

So now we will continue to follow up with the psychiatrist.  I have to call next week to let her know how Oksana is doing on the new medication dose.  Then we see her again in January at which time they will do an EKG and a blood draw for some baseline labs.   Until then we thank God that as hard as it has been to parent her, at least she isn't in a mental institution in Ukraine.

Halloween

Post #1 for today. 

Just wanted to post a few pictures of Halloween.  Anya was perfectly happy until people actually started arriving.  She DID NOT like trick or treating.  She cried through 2 houses and then we took her home where she happily handed out candy from the safety of her living room :)!  The other kids had a blast.

Rapunzel

Cinderella

A Knight

Waiting....Anya is still happy!

Very serious about his costume that he decided on and ordered 2 days before Halloween...good thing for Amazon prime!

3 of the little crazies!

 The "Fab 4"

Crazy kids

 Can you tell Evan was in character all night? :)

The one who didn't dress up but still had a lot of fun!

How Anya felt about Halloween!  Actually this was taken today.  It was my response to the comment "Oh I LOOOVE people with Down Syndrome.  They are always Soooo happy!"

Adusting

I thought I would take a moment to blog about how each of us is adjusting to our new family:

Anya - Wowza.  Just 5 days makes a difference.  What a total joy this child is.  Her aggression has been cut at least in half.  She is SO much calmer.  We aren't exactly rocking and reading stories yet but I also don't feel like I am chasing her all day.  She sat for long periods of time today playing with toys and it was wonderful!  She went to Target with us and sat nicely in the cart (while I fed her a snack to keep her entertained).  We still have plenty to work on.  She is still a little too friendly with everyone and still has no concept that we are mom and dad.  We are working hard on that.  We are limiting visitors, limiting the length of the stay of the visitors we have, and we are firm on her boundaries for ANYONE except us.  We are already seeing some improvement. I ended up removing her ability to feed herself.  We are trying hard to make her successful, especially until she understands us better, so to avoid the food being thrown I now control the food and feed her.  It's good for bonding anyway.  She is already signing "more", "dog", "swing", and "drink".  She's not always consistent with them but she has used them.  More and swing are the 2 favorites :).  She verbally says "more" and "hello", and she understands more of what we are saying to her each day. 

Oksana - Overall she has really amazed me.  I expected this to be MUCH harder on her.  We had a rough day yesterday but nothing she did was anything that I wouldn't expect to see from ANY child her developmental age who was coping with a new sibling.  She went back to school today and I was very ready for that.  She had a pretty bad meltdown once today but otherwise did OK.  The teacher is sure that it isn't quite as much about Anya as that she was gone for a week and needed to see if the rules still applied.  At home we've added in a reward and a consequence for her behavior at school so we are hoping that will help her fall back into place a little faster.  Tonight at home we thought she acted more like herself than she had since Anya came home.  She was less obsessive about Anya and was more relaxed overall.  I hope that this is a sign that this is becoming her new normal.  On a side note she saw her neurologist for a follow up on her Risperdal and they are thrilled with her results.  On Monday she sees the pediatric psychiatrist for her autism evaluation then on Wednesday we go back without her to talk with the psych more and get her input.

Evan and Clayton - I'm doing them together because I'd just be repeating everything in a different paragraph.  They are doing great.  They are spending less time in hiding :) and more time interacting with Anya.  I think they are able to enjoy her more but I can still they still don't feel 100% comfortable with her yet.  I do think they really like her though and they love seeing her do new things.  It will just take time for them to feel as comfortable as they do with Oksana.  They started back to school today too so life is moving forward  now and they are doing great.

Me and Larry - I think we finally have a groove down.  Those first couple of days felt like chaos!  Now we feel better about the time we have with our kids and we are amazed at how our family is less than a week in and feeling almost normal again.  I know I've said this before but we are light years ahead of where we were the first time around.  We both think Anya is just a doll and are truly enjoying her.  She's still a rascal to the extreme but we are seeing more and more of her sweet natured personality and we are so glad to have her in our family!  Seriously, of all 4 of my kids this has been the easiest adjustment.  I will tell you one area that I am struggling.  I feel bad because I do think Anya is so precious.  She jumps in my arms and lets me kiss all over her sweet little face and I could do it all day (until she bites my shoulder....see it's not all flowers and sunshine ;).  I will share with you that it took me months...,maybe even years to feel that way about Oksana and I still struggle with her sometimes.  She has been a very hard child to love, but now that I have no doubt I am madly in love with Oksana I can say that she continues to be a hard child to like sometimes.  I've had moments where I've felt guilty for feeling that way and moments where I've felt angry at what we were put through when she came home.  Not angry towards her at all just general anger that our family was put through that.  Not many people will understand this but I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with PTSD because of her experience bringing a child just like Oksana home.  I really don't believe I have it but I can TOTALLY see how that would happen and trust me when I say I've had my fair share of issues because of that experience.  I know I'll get to the point where I can love and adore all of my children for who they are no matter what, but right now guilt is following me for my feelings for Anya. 

So that's the written update and here are a few pictures.

I can't wait until I can tell Anya to smile and she will understand me!

Until then I have to try to catch her smiling like in this blurry picture of the girls together that I LOVE!

Another blurry one...what can I say...the swing moves!  Still, I love the legs :).

She loves all toys that play music to be right on her ear.  This is one of her favorites.

Life lessons...

Anya's life lessons:
- You are not the boss.
- If you hit someone with it you will not see it again for a long time!
- If you throw your food your meal is over.
- No means no...even if you cry :).
- If we know you are perfectly capable of signing "more" so that you can swing but you choose to grunt at us instead your swing will not move.
- Just because you smile at us does not mean that you can hit us, otherwise known as "you are cute but it won't get you far in this house"!
- If you can figure it out, we have a way to childproof it!
- We will never run out of kisses to give you.
- You can hit us a million times and we will still love you. 
- Yes it is true that when we are frustrated with you your sweet smile and a hug can make it all better....that doesn't make you any less frustrating sometimes :).
- These people might not be as crazy as you thought they were...in fact they might just be OK after all!

Mom and Dad's life lessons:
- Watching your child with DS put her feet over her ears will never cease to amaze you after spending two years with a child who has to be continually stretched to have a decent range of motion.
- Do not take your eyes off of her.
- She can reach the box of wipes and when she does they will be scattered all over your living room faster than you can blink.
- Adopting another child will show you that Oksana's early days came with some blessings too.  She loved to rock, cuddle, and read books.  These are things we'd love to do with Anya if she would sit still long enough.
- It will take 4 children to get one who goes to sleep this easy.
- It's been awhile since you've had one in diapers.  Don't forget to change it :)!
- Even the easy adoptions are hard but it is nice to know that adoption doesn't have to come with major emotional turmoil.
-It's OK that you aren't madly in love right now.  You know from experience that it will come.
- Watching your kids all play together will bring you joy that makes every single frustrating moment worth it.
- You say you are done...4 is enough....but we'll see about that :).

Anya's home!

Well I have had a wonderful and much needed break from blogging, facebook, etc. but I'm popping back in everywhere to say that Anya is home!  Those of you who have followed my blog for awhile know the struggles we had when we brought Oksana home.  This could not be more different.  Don't get me wrong.  It's exhausting and hard but in a whole different way.  Oksana is doing far better than I EVER expected.  I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of her!  Something tells me Risperdal has a thing or two to do with it!  She goes back to school on Thursday so I'm anxious to see how she does with that transition.  Anya is testing every limit out there but as soon as she starts driving me crazy she does something super sweet and I get over it pretty quick :).  She is literal non stop motion so Larry and I are busy ALL DAY LONG.  It's been quite an adjustment adapting to 4 kids.  We just said today that we had gotten so incredibly comfortable with 3 kids, and we know we will get there again, but right now it feels a bit like chaos and we aren't feeling like we are doing a great job of meeting the needs of all of our kids.  Our boys are adjusting fine but Anya can be, well....., a bit much.  She isn't gentle at all and she dives on the boys, hits them, and gets in their face.  They like her they just really don't know what to do with her yet.  I think when she calms down a bit...she will calm down, right?.....they will enjoy her a bit more. 

So I do feel ready to get back in the swing of things as far as this blog goes but seriously sometimes I hardly feel like I have time to go potty (is that TMI? :) so I'll be back as much as I am able to.  There is so much I'd like to share with you about the last couple of months but I just don't have time for backtracking so I'm going to move forward from here.  To start I'll post a few pictures...and I do mean a few.  I haven't had much of a chance at all to take pictures since she's been home!  I remember it being the same with Oksana too so I'll do my best to get some good pictures in here when I can.  Our friend Nicki met us at the airport when Anya came home and got some great shots.  I'm so thankful for her or you might be looking at a very blank blog.  If you're friends with me on Facebook, I apologize, because you are getting these twice but if not enjoy!...

A new name and a new life!

The title of this post is the same exact title of a post I wrote back in June of 2010 when we went to court and became the parents of Oksana Valerie.  Today in a court room in Bulgaria we became the parents of Anya Rose!  Of course we weren't there but the email this morning was exciting enough and caused quite the celebration in our house!  It will be a couple of weeks before we get a better idea of when she will be home.  Everything has kicked into high gear here.  There is much to be done before that day.  To start, we have physical preparations still to be made.  We need to childproof our house, get her a car seat, etc.  All those little details that we need to tend to as we get closer to her arrival.  Besides that we have been working hard, hard, hard on the boys' school work.  I know from experience that homeschooling doesn't get easier with the addition of another child!  We are trying to get as much good solid work in as we can before Anya comes.  That will make me feel better when we have to miss days here and there for extra doctor appointments, rough days, etc.  Besides that we have some emotional preparation to do.  I've mentioned this before but I am very concerned about how Oksana will respond to Anya's arrival.  We've made some changes at school (I'll address this briefly before I end here), and the meds are finally starting to make a difference so I am cautiously optimistic, but based on what happened after we came home from Bulgaria the first time, I'm prepared for the worst. 

Lately I have struggled to find time to blog and I promised myself today that I would blog our court date so that I have it on record!  Because we are only going to get busier I'm giving myself permission to just back off for awhile while our family prepares and eventually adjusts to Anya's arrival.  I'll pop on here when I can, definitely to tell you when she is home, but I'm not stressing over documenting every moment like I usually do.  I'm not sure how long I will break but I probably won't be back on a regular basis until Anya is home and we are feeling a bit of new normal.  I've backed off of Facebook too.  I just need to be 100% about my family right now but I'm not gone for good!

In the mean time I wanted to link you to this blog written by Ellen about the special friendship that Nina and Oksana share.  I think you will enjoy it!

And quickly before I go I wanted to say that last week we had a fantastic IEP meeting.  We have pulled Oksana off of the bus so now I take her and pick her up.  She is also spending more time in the special ed room with her fantastic special ed teacher who is working so hard with her.  We also put her in adapted art and music (she was already in adapted P.E.).  We are already seeing the results of these changes and we are hopeful that with the meds we are on the right path for Oksana to be able to be peaceful and happy...something we definitely felt we were losing as her obsessions and behaviors increased.

Ok my time is up and I'm off to make my family dinner.  Thanks for listening.  I'll be back soon!

COURT DATE!!!!!!

I am in total shock today.  Earlier this summer we were told that the courts in Bulgaria are closed from July 15-September 1.  After that we would have to sit through a backlog of cases and should not expect to even get a court date until October.  Well today I got an email that said that one of the judges is back at work and has already scheduled our court date for

SEPTEMBER 14!!!!!!!!!!!!

At 1:30pm in Bulgaria which is 5:30 am here on September 14th our lawyer will be representing us in court!  Assuming all goes well, and there is no reason to assume it won't but you also can never count on anything in international adoption, we will then officially become the parents of Anya Rose Loraine!  So the big question everyone wants to know....and I do mean EVERYONE because we have been asked this question a million times in the last 2 weeks.....is WHEN WILL SHE BE HOME?!

Well, of course, we aren't sure.  October-ish.  I should know more after court.  For now we are just celebrating an unexpected blessing!

School

We are on day 7 of school so I thought I'd just post some thoughts on these early days.  This year I have kids in 8th, 5th, and 1st.  Clayton and Evan are homeschooled and Oksana is in public school.  There isn't a ton to tell about Clayton and Evan....at least not that I would share publicly since they read this!  It's been a good start for them.  They are taking writing classes online this year which takes a big load off of me.  I love to write but I despise teaching it to 2 children who despise doing it!  They are especially enjoying science.  We are using Apologia for the first time this year and I'm kicking myself for not using this earlier.  Evan is studying Anatomy and Physiology and Clayton is studying General Science.

This is Clayton's experiment on density in nature.  He refused to be in the picture.  I wanted him to wear those awesome goggles that came with his science kit :).  Such a spoil sport!

This is Evan's edible cell complete with gelatin for cytoplasm, jelly bean mitochondria, Skittles lysomes, Smarties golgi body, fruit roll up endoplasmic reticulum, sprinkles for centrioles, and a gumball nucleus!  He is downstairs right now telling Clayton "The mitochondria was pretty good!"

Oksana's story of school is, as usual, far more involved. Here she is on the first day of first grade (if you are a Veggie Tales fan like me you can't help singing "Billy Joe McGuffrey" when you read that)!

I'll start with the good.  She has a new special ed teacher this year.  I ADORE her and so does Oksana!  She has a TON of experience with autistic kids and behavior problems.  It is like she was brought to this school for Oksana.  I had heard about her from other parents, and from Oksana, but I met her for the first time last night.  I seriously almost did back flips out of the school.  She is all I'd hoped she would be!  Oksana's whole team this year blows my mind.  We are so incredibly blessed by them.  I had heard so many horror stories about kids with special needs in the public school system, but I have had the opposite experience.  I am listened to as if I am one of the most important parts of the team and they truly respect my opinion.  I feel the same way about each of them. 

Now the not so good news.  Her aggression has already started.  When she is stressed she is grabbing at children.  Now this might sound innocent enough but it isn't at all.  It is a classic Oksana response and one that will send my blood pressure through the roof in .2 seconds.  Her grabbing is mean, it is a grip of steel, and she does not let go for anything.  Now, in the scope of things this is still mild.  She hasn't had the huge outbursts with the massive aggression but still, I am shocked that it is happening again so fast.  When I found out I immediately sent a text to my friend, whose son is autistic and also on Risperdal.  I told her I was freaking out because I was afraid the meds weren't working and I was going to have to live through last year all over again.  She assured me that I need to give it at least 6 weeks to fully work into her system (we are one day away from 2 weeks and not all of that has been at the full dose).  She also reminded me that this isn't a cure all.  She will still be obsessive and she will still be aggressive but it will be better.  I could breathe better after that.  Her special ed teacher is already on it and has a plan in place for when she gets like that.

We have an IEP meeting scheduled for September 10th.  I'll be counting down the days.  We are going to talk about lots of ways that we can reduce that stress in Oksana.  She did FABULOUS at summer school so we know it isn't all about school but more about the setting we have her in.  Time for some changes.

We pulled the trigger....

After writing that last blog I dropped off the prescription while I attempted not to start crying in front of my children or the nice lady at the pharmacy.  When I got back home your comments started coming in.  I also began texting and emailing a couple of friends who have  kids on medication.  I was amazed by the support and encouragement I received.  Everyone either verified what I was already thinking or helped me see a whole new perspective on how this can help her.  I went from choking back tears and thinking I'd start "some day soon" to freaking out that I had waited too long!  A couple of people told me how beneficial it would be to start her before school so that I could monitor side effects.  That made such good sense especially since her new teachers won't know her well enough to know what is typical for her and what is a side effect.  So she has had 2 doses of her medication.  I know it can take time for side effects to kick in but so far so good.  I'll have 4 solid days to watch her before she starts school on Wednesday.  Like many of you said....it is a step in finding what works for her and we really need to work on finding something to help her before Anya comes home.

For those of you who have commented....THANK YOU!  I was so nervous about putting this out there but now I'm so glad I did.  You were all a great encouragement to me.  The truth is that there are very few things on  my "thanks but no thanks list" but autism is one of them.  Now I know why...there is no aspect of who Oksana is that has been more challenging than the behaviors that may be related to autism.  If it isn't autism they had better be ready to explain to me what it is!  I am so so thankful that autism was not on her report from Ukraine because we would have easily passed over her if it had been.  Believe me, there are days when I think "I didn't sign up for this", but overall I'm just thankful that God sometimes keeps us in the dark to accomplish His purposes for us.

My next step is to tell school and ask them for an IEP meeting sooner rather than later because with this new information about her there are some changes I want to make at school too.  Our goal is to reduce stress at school...some ideas we have are taking her off of the bus, increasing her time in the special ed room, etc.  The reality is that learning really couldn't happen last year and won't be able to happen until we deal with her emotional and mental health.  My hope is that this is a step towards a healthier and happier Oksana who can continue to grow, learn, make friends, and become all that God created her to be!

Autism

There has been a whole lot going on here that I haven't blogged about.  Some things just take time to go public with.  This is one of those.  I'm still not sure I'm ready but here goes nothing.  This post has been over a month in the making so there is just too much to share without writing a book.  Because of that I'm going to take some short cuts to get you to where we are today.

It didn't take long for the word autism to be thrown around in our house.  Kids who come from orphanages are likely to have autistic like behaviors.  The rule of thumb is to wait 2 years before considering autism as it can often take that long to see those behaviors disappear or at least start to dissipate.  Over the last 2 years I'd occasionally say the word autism to people only to hear them say "Oh she's too social to have autism."  And there you have the main reasons why we have kept our mouths closed and assumed she was fine.  Well this summer has been very interesting.  As we have prepared to celebrate 2 years of having Oksana in our family we have also watched the behaviors that concern us become worse and worse. 

After voicing my concerns to her neurologist in July he agreed that her behaviors are concerning enough that she needs to be evaluated.  He also suggested putting her on Risperdal to control some of the more concerning behaviors (obsessiveness, aggression, self injury).  I was so not ready to hear that.  I told him that we wanted to make some environmental changes at school before considering medication and I slipped the prescription in my purse without even looking at it.  When we got home I immediately contacted her pediatrician to get her up to speed.  She completely agreed with the need for an evaluation and the Risperdal.  I gave her the same speech that I gave the neurologist about the meds.  Then I contacted a pediatric psychiatrist for the evaluation.  She will be seeing her on October 29th.

As we creep closer and closer to the start of school I am becoming more and more concerned.  Her obsessions are so bad that she really can barely function outside of them anymore.  I really don't see how she can even learn like this.  I'm also scared about her aggressive behavior when school starts.  It is definitely worse in stressful situations and it will increase drastically when she goes back to school.  I haven't shared some of this before now but last year we had to start documenting her self injury to protect ourselves if someone called the state on us.  At the end of the school year, coupled with our trip to Bulgaria, it was so bad that her para sub had to physically block her from attacking children in the hallway and I was getting daily calls from school.  We didn't even know if she would  make it to the end of the year or if we would have to pull her out early.  It was horrible. 

Yesterday I pulled that prescription out and read it for the first time.  It's starting to sink in.  It is no longer a question of "if" we start her on it but "when".  My next step will be to fill it but even when I do that it will probably sit on my counter for awhile.  I have no idea how to pull the trigger on starting.  How do I decide when the moment comes that I put that medication in her?  I understand its necessity and in fact I'm beginning to see that by waiting I am just delaying her chance at a better quality of life.  Still, I'm struggling......

Vacation

It's been a full and busy summer!  Last week we went to Great Wolf Lodge in Kansas City for a few days as a small family vacation.  If you have never been there it is a hotel with a huge indoor water park. We had an absolute blast.  On the way back to St. Louis we stopped at the new aquarium in KC.  Here are some pictures from our trip:

Here are a few of Oksana's favorite things to do....

 Clayton doesn't like me taking his picture so I made it my mission to get a good one of him.  You can see I made a few attempts....

And then I got a decent one!  It looks like he was willingly smiling for this picture, but actually I just got lucky!

This is where you could find Evan almost the whole time...

Evan and Oksana getting dumped on by 1,000 gallons of water coming out of the big bucket!

Touching some sort of sea creature at the aquarium.

I love this picture of the jellyfish!

Oksana is already planning our next vacation.  She said she wants to live at Great Wolf Lodge but when the word Disney came up she decided that might be a better choice!  Next time we'll have Miss Anya with us.  That should make for a very interesting vacation ;)!