I've been thinking about blogging for weeks now but I haven't known what to say. I find myself really struggling with telling people the truth about Oksana. I find myself asking constantly "Should I tell this person?", "Should I share that with this person?", "Will this person see Oksana differently if I tell them?". There is such a stigma attached to mental illness that isn't present in any of her other diagnoses and I am feeling that weight of that stigma.
We want and need support but if I really told people the things she says and does they would never look at her the same way again. Very few people know the true depth of Oksana's mental illness. I even struggle with it on this blog. I wrote a post that I have not published about the first week in November when she was very unstable. Some disturbing things happened, and we are now adding yet another medication to her already insane number of meds.
The thing about it is that the vast majority of the time Oksana is just Oksana. She is the same kid, with the same interests, and the same life as the girl before bipolar. Yes, we have periods of time when she isn't that kid anymore, but I don't want people fearing her or not wanting their kids around her. It's such a fine line and a horrible stigma. I want to be a part of breaking the stigma but will that come at a cost? These are the things I ponder these days......
6 comments:
I truly understand how you feel.
I'm the aunt of a child with a mental illness, so I'm very familiar with your dilemma.
From what you say, it sounds like it's fairly apparent that Oksana struggles with some sort of condition, so putting a name to that condition is usually beneficial.
For what it's worth, I think you should be open about Oksana, to the degree that you would be open about any other medical condition.
That's the approach our family has taken and it's worked nicely for us. "Hiding" the diagnosis seems to perpetuate the stigma. Whereas discussing the mental illness in the way that we would discuss any other medical problem seems to dissipate that stigma significantly. It also creates an atmosphere where people are more comfortable asking questions, which in turn helps them understand and work through any fear.
Yes, there will be some who are uncomfortable having their child around Oksana. But if she has obviously atypical behaviors, it's likely that these people would be uncomfortable even without the label. (In our experience, we've found that these are closed-minded people whom we don't want to associate with anyways! LOL)
Our family has also found that people tend to be *more* understanding when they're aware of a diagnosis -- it gives them a concrete reason for why a child behaves in a certain manner. (Personally, I think it's a result of the fact that we tend to fear the unknown; that which is known tends to be a bit less frightening).
That said, there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Each family is unique. I hope you can find an approach that works well for you. :-)
I wish I could help you. =(
I have never met your family in person, but I've been following your blog for awhile now and I honestly consider you a friend. No matter what you write about Oksana, I know that bottom line she is still a little girl, a precious creation of God. Whatever degree you choose to share on your blog is your decision, and I respect your privacy. But anyone who would treat Oksana differently now isn't a true friend and would only be hurting her and your family more by doing so, and so I do hope that you continue to have all the love and support you need as you raise Oksana.
You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers. <3 <3
I truly believe that the only way to eliminate the stigma is to begin the process of talking about mental health. Unfortunately, it is not easy because the stigma is still there in the beginning. But only when a collective group of people begin to change that, will there be hope for change.
I totally understand. I have an impossible time talking with others about my son's diagnoses. On one hand, I want to say, "It's not 'poor parenting'...it's really XYZ!" or "He can't help it---he has XYZ. Please have compassion!" But I am stuck with the shame and the stigma. In addition, will he be teased even further by the other kids? I struggle with all of this regularly.
I even met with a group of moms from an online support group. They were so open about their own children's diagnoses, and still I couldn't talk about my kid's issues. I don't know why.
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