Considering where we were at the end of last year I am thrilled with the progress we have made to help Oksana and help our family. This week 2 things happened that I think are going to be great for us. The first one is that Oksana started therapy. Her therapist was fantastic with her. The intention was that for the first session the therapist would just get to know Oksana and try to make her comfortable. She was going to just ask her things like her age and favorite color and food. Then she would play with her a bit and just build a foundation for them to work from. Well after about 2 of those questions Oksana said "Can I just talk about my brain now?" and it turned into quite the therapy session!
There were a couple of very revealing things that came out. When Oksana was describing her imaginary people and all of the imaginary lands that they live in the therapist asked her what land she lives in. Of course we expected her to tell us something like "the same one you live in" or "earth" or something of that sort. Instead she went on to explain another imaginary world. The therapist told her that we live on Earth in America and suggested that Oksana might want to leave her land and come to ours. Oksana got VERY upset. She said "DON'T say that". She said that she does not want to leave her land because she loves it. Later she mentioned that there is a window that separates her from the rest of us. She is on one side in her land and we are on the other in our land. She also spoke of seeing and hearing the people in her imaginary world. At the end of her session she went out to sit in the lobby and I spoke to the therapist alone. She told me Oksana is completely detached. She said there is a chance we will never get her to give up these people and lands. I knew that was a possibility. The people are starting to come out at school now too. On the very first day of kindergarten I told her that they were not allowed there. She has never had a problem but this year they are coming more and more. I am very excited for this step of therapy for Oksana. I think it will be incredible. I am counting down the days to her next session.
Before I mention the next thing that I am excited about I want to take a moment to share progress Oksana is having in another area. Her teacher came to me yesterday and told me that in the last 3 weeks or so she has been talking about her family a lot. She says how glad she is to have a family and how much she loves us. She said she talks about me a lot and how she loves to hug met, etc. When we were done talking Oksana came out with her para. She walked right up to me and gave me a big hug. The para said "The whole way out here she was saying 'I want to see my mom!'". Interestingly I have done a ton of healing in the last month or so. I have struggled with tons of grief over Oksana's mental health. I've taken steps to really take care of myself and it has proven very helpful. I have really reached a place of acceptance and I am finally able to see Oksana separate from her mental illness and the behaviors it causes. I am sure that she senses this shift and that is a big part of her renewed feelings for us. I'm thankful to be where we are now because I know all too well that we won't be here forever!
The second thing that started this week is our NAMI class. NAMI stands for National Alliance on Mental Illness. They offer a class to parents of children with mental illness. It was incredible. It will run for 6 weeks and I can not wait for the next one. In one session they normalized so much of what we have experienced and felt in the last 10 months. We also got to be in the same room with other parents of mentally ill children. It was awesome.
Tomorrow is going to be a beautiful day here and we are running another race. Evan and I (I think Clayton's running days are about over ;) are running the 5K and then our whole family is doing a 1 mile fun "run". I can't wait! Exercise is part of what I have been doing to take care of myself and it has made a big difference. I'll be back soon with pictures from the race!
3 comments:
I just wanted to thank you for writing. I work at a school for children with mostly Autism, but recently we have taken more children with emotional and mental health needs. I have done research and tried to find things to help us, help them, but everything I find is "perfect world training." You know what I mean by "perfect world training," that they think everything they recommend is going to work immediately and perfectly. Your blog has been "REAL world training," for how difficult things can be, but how helpful things can be. The one difference between your family and many of the ones I work with, is you are advocating and fighting, and mine are just choosing to continue just trying to live day to day without much intervention besides at school. Your kiddos are blessed to have you. Thank you again for writing, sharing the victories but also sharing struggles.
Thank you Ali Rae! Sometimes I feel like I don't have time to write here and no one is reading anyway. I appreciate you letting me know that our experience has been helpful to you. That's what keeps me writing!
Oh, I love this post!!! It is so great to see progress and that Oksana is talking about things and that you are gaining health. Such answers to prayer!
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