Update

I have wanted to update here but things have been incredibly crazy.  When I last wrote we had been told by psych to bring her in if she got aggressive over the weekend.  Well we had a close call or two but she never really blew up.  Monday I sent her to school and I got a call at 1 that she was raging and being aggressive to anyone she could get her hands on.  I immediately called psych and she said it's time to bring her in.  We had done everything possible to help her from home but she needed more specialized care.  I picked her up from school and took her straight to the hospital.  They evaluated her at intake, talked to her psychiatrist and determined that she would definitely be admitted.  We had to wait a few hours for a bed so we walked the hospital, got some dinner, and checked out the gift shop.  Larry brought her up some clothes for the weekend and then they said we had a bed.  Now all this time I was an absolute nervous wreck but on the outside you would have thought this was the most normal thing I had ever done.  I didn't want Oksana to sense any fear or concern so we went on with our evening as if we were hanging out for fun.  The only difference is this time I was so upset that I wanted to vomit.

This is where it got interesting.  Throughout the evening Oksana was becoming more and more manic.  By the time we took her up to the psych floor she was bouncing off of the walls.  I assure you they have never seen anyone so happy to be admitted.  They told me that once we got there I would go in a waiting room and a nurse would get me to do paperwork.  They would take Oksana back and then I could see her to say goodbye.

We walked through the first locked door and they showed me to the waiting room on the left.  Then they unlocked the next door and took her in.  I said bye, turned to walk in the waiting room, and totally and completely fell apart.  I mean gasping for air ugly crying.  Shortly after I got in another mom came.  We hugged and cried and talked.  Her son is 16 and had threatened to shoot up his school.  This was his first admission too.

The nurse called me back to do paperwork and I was sobbing through the whole thing.  Poor lady!  She was really sweet though and made me feel better.  She told me there were other young kids there and that if Oksana needed a book read to her at night or anything else that would help her they would be happy to do it.  They have a very restricted list of things that they allow there but they did let Oksana have the pillow that she loves to sleep with.

I pulled myself together and went to say bye.  She was so manic.  She was running up and down the halls.  When she saw me she was yelling "MOMMY!  HI MOMMY!" and then she would occasionally say "THIS IS A SAFE PLACE!!"  I am sure her mania was fueled by some pretty intense anxiety.  When it was time for me to go she yelled "BYE MOMMY!" as if I was leaving her with grandma and all was well.  I walked out and broke down again.

We get to visit with her for a couple of hours each day. We saw her last night and I am headed to see her this afternoon.  I'll post about that later.