As some of you know I've fought for a long time now to get Oksana some help walking. Can she walk independently? Yes. Having said that, walking long distances or in crowds with her is a nightmare. We were told at the MRI that she has brain damage that affects balance. As I see more and more kids with CP learn to walk I can definitely see how different she is in the area of stability and balance. All kids with CP fall but Oksana is out of control and all over the place when she walks. She can control it but it takes so much effort. Put her in Target with people walking all over the place and bright things everywhere you look and forget it. So like I mentioned before, Shriners recommended putting her in a walker during those times.
I called her PT when this happened just to bounce it off of her and she thought it was a great idea. She talked to me a bit more about situations where it would be appropriate and situations where it was unnecessary. At that time school was only briefly mentioned and I honestly can't remember if we labeled it under unnecessary or didn't label it at all. All I know is using it at school was never put on the table. Only a few days later I got a letter from her. She wanted to know if we might possibly consider letting her use that walker at school ONLY for long distances in the hallway. She cited a number of reasons including that she falls a lot, kids bump into her and she loses balance, she is all over the halls and has trouble walking straight, etc, etc, etc,. She confessed later that she was unsure how I would react. I told her she didn't know me very well then because my reaction was "HALLELUJAH"! After all this time someone FINALLY sees what I see and they aren't making their decisions on how Oksana should walk based on spending 2 hours a week with her in a controlled environment and then expecting that to be how she walks 24/7. Apparently she had a walker in a storage closet that she pulled out for her and she said it was great. To start with, she noticed that the kids were so much more aware of her and are very careful around her. She also said that when she walks without a walker her gait, form, and control go out the window because she is working SO HARD to just stay upright. YES! That's exactly right! She said using this walker gave her a great chance to practice correct gait and form....something she hasn't had for a LONG LONG time since we ditched that last walker. She also mentioned that it gives her some independence since she can get a basket for it and carry her lunch box, library books, etc.
So as of right now we are still waiting on the walker I ordered, and who knows how long that will be, but until then she has the loaner to use at school. Like I said in the title, you may look at this and think we are backtracking with her but I call it progress. She's finally getting what she needs to be able to function in the world around her.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Dossier EN ROUTE!!!
2 blogs in a day again...what's wrong with me?! Well of course I couldn't go to bed without sharing that our dossier was completed and mailed today! It should arrive in Bulgaria on Friday and that puts us about 8 weeks from meeting Anya!!! Happy, happy day!
Crazy boys
Oksana is often full of adventures and various doctor's appointments which makes for pretty good blog material but I want to take a moment to share a bit about my boys. I shared with you at Christmas time that Clayton has a passion for video production. He and Evan love to make many different types of videos but their favorite is infomercials. They make up various items and create a commercial for them. They made this video yesterday and I thought you would enjoy getting a peek at the boys at their best ;):
Now, be sure to comment because you should know that Clayton will pester me hourly asking if anyone has commented yet ;). He's sitting here laughing as I write that because he knows it's true!
Now, be sure to comment because you should know that Clayton will pester me hourly asking if anyone has commented yet ;). He's sitting here laughing as I write that because he knows it's true!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Future Container Store employee
2 blogs in one night! I must be on a roll. Make sure you don't miss my attempt at being crafty in the blog before this!
As you know Oksana has obsessions. Balls and balloons are always there and are probably the most intense. Others come and go. Firefighters are losing their intensity now and I've seen her develop a new love for containers. Really anything that you can hold things in. She loves to carry around her balls and balloons along with other various objects. Her two favorite containers are plastic grocery bags
and ziploc bags
She will take multiple plastic grocery bags and she will sometimes wrap each item in a bag (or 2 or 3) then put them all in another bag (or 2 or 3). She calls them Target bags no matter where they come from! The ziplocs are also great for holding things and it's even better if you can get a few items in it and then blow it up so it's like a balloon! While those are her primary containers she will use anything she can find. Like boxes
or little plastic containers that are the perfect size for some rocks
The other day we were at a doctor's office. They had a nice little basket on the table with brochures in it. She had found a container! Before I could blink she had those brochures emptied out and she was ready to fill her basket! I guess I need to teach her to say "Welcome to the Container Store!". Then again, maybe that wouldn't be a good idea. She'd spend her whole check as soon as she got it!
As you know Oksana has obsessions. Balls and balloons are always there and are probably the most intense. Others come and go. Firefighters are losing their intensity now and I've seen her develop a new love for containers. Really anything that you can hold things in. She loves to carry around her balls and balloons along with other various objects. Her two favorite containers are plastic grocery bags
and ziploc bags
She will take multiple plastic grocery bags and she will sometimes wrap each item in a bag (or 2 or 3) then put them all in another bag (or 2 or 3). She calls them Target bags no matter where they come from! The ziplocs are also great for holding things and it's even better if you can get a few items in it and then blow it up so it's like a balloon! While those are her primary containers she will use anything she can find. Like boxes
or little plastic containers that are the perfect size for some rocks
The other day we were at a doctor's office. They had a nice little basket on the table with brochures in it. She had found a container! Before I could blink she had those brochures emptied out and she was ready to fill her basket! I guess I need to teach her to say "Welcome to the Container Store!". Then again, maybe that wouldn't be a good idea. She'd spend her whole check as soon as she got it!
The closest thing I get to crafty
You should know that I am NOT crafty. I'm horrible at crafty stuff and I just plain don't like it. The word scrapbooking alone will immediately cause me to curl up in the fetal position. A desire to change out the colors in Oksana's room led me to investigate the option of making a large fleece blanket for her bed and Anya's. So what do you do when couldn't use a sewing machine if your life depended on it but you want to make a blanket? Well, you get on You Tube and discover that the best you can do is make a tie blanket! I still wasn't feeling convinced that I could do it. Really, I mean it, I'm not crafty! Before I made the blankets for the girls I wanted to test it out. I found a print with horses and since my son Evan is a horse fanatic I decided to try my hand at a fleece blanket for him. I wanted it to be a big one that would cover his whole bed like a comforter because that is what I plan on doing for the girls. Off I went to Hobby Lobby to get horse and brown fleece (it is a reversible blanket), and we were off to work. We actually finished the whole blanket in about 1 1/2- 2 hours!
Here we are tying off the last of the fringe:
The finished product:
An idea of the size. This is 2 1/2 yards of fleece.:
I'm actually pleased with the end result! Evan absolutely loves this blanket. It is so comfy and it is nice and heavy. The whole thing cost me about $31 with a 40% off coupon for Hobby Lobby. My only concern is washing it. I've heard that the ties can come apart in the wash. For now I was going to just tighten them up before washing it and then use a delicate cycle and dry it on low heat. If you've made one of these and have any suggestions please share them with me!
Here we are tying off the last of the fringe:
The finished product:
An idea of the size. This is 2 1/2 yards of fleece.:
I'm actually pleased with the end result! Evan absolutely loves this blanket. It is so comfy and it is nice and heavy. The whole thing cost me about $31 with a 40% off coupon for Hobby Lobby. My only concern is washing it. I've heard that the ties can come apart in the wash. For now I was going to just tighten them up before washing it and then use a delicate cycle and dry it on low heat. If you've made one of these and have any suggestions please share them with me!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
MATCHING GRANT!!!!!
I got a phone call today letting me know that we received a $4000 matching grant for our adoption from our church through Lifesong for Orphans!!! I can not tell you how excited I was. This is a blessing, a relief, an answered prayer, and over all a BIG BIG deal!!
We have until March 13 to raise $4000! My husbands eyes bugged out of his head for a little while when he realized we only had 2 months but I know God can do this so I'm asking you now to please consider helping us with this match to bring our precious girl home!
Here are the details of the grant:
100% of all donations go towards our grant unless paypal is used in which case 2-3 percent are taken out for fees. Donations are tax deductible and can be made by a check made out to Lifesong for Orphans with a memo that says "preference Loraine #2473 adoption" and sent to
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744
or donations can be made online through paypal at http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html with the same memo under "purpose" by the dollar amount. Feel free to contact us with any questions. We appreciate your help in any way.
If you can't give PRAY! We need it!
We have until March 13 to raise $4000! My husbands eyes bugged out of his head for a little while when he realized we only had 2 months but I know God can do this so I'm asking you now to please consider helping us with this match to bring our precious girl home!
Here are the details of the grant:
100% of all donations go towards our grant unless paypal is used in which case 2-3 percent are taken out for fees. Donations are tax deductible and can be made by a check made out to Lifesong for Orphans with a memo that says "preference Loraine #2473 adoption" and sent to
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744
or donations can be made online through paypal at http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html with the same memo under "purpose" by the dollar amount. Feel free to contact us with any questions. We appreciate your help in any way.
If you can't give PRAY! We need it!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Bonding and Attachment
The number one question I get from people is "How is bonding going?" In fact I was asked this again by the PT at Shriners just the other day. I thought I'd take a moment to write about our experience. My disclaimer, of course, is that everyone's experience is different. Some people have no issues at all others have far more than we do. I know one family who has had a VERY hard time attaching to one adopted child but they fell in love with the next one instantly. There are no guarantees. No age, disability or lack of disability, orphanage, past experiences, etc can guarantee you that you will or will not have attachment problems. So here is a bit about where we were and where we are.
There was a point on this blog back when we first brought Oksana home where I wrote a post that basically said I need a break from this blog. I struggled with telling you the truth, which was basically that I did not like this child at all. Yet if I continued writing all of the great stuff I felt like a liar. Ask anyone and they will likely tell you they struggle with the same things when they blog. People handle it differently. Some are OK with brutal honesty, others lie their fool heads off to make it appear that everything is fine. I chose silence until things got better because I didn't know what to do.
During the process of adopting a child you are given a picture and a brief description. You may even know people who met the child and spent some time with them. You start to create in your head an image of who you think that child will be. I created the fairy tale adoption story complete with me and my new child running towards each other in slow motion in a field of daisies and embracing each other. What? My child has CP and she can't run? That's OK she can crawl but either way she will have a big huge smile on her face because she will now have a mama! So that's a slight dramatization of what was going on in my head during the paperwork process.
Then I met her. Oh boy. The first time we met we got 10 whole minutes with her and she seemed absolutely wonderful. Then came our first long visit with her and that was the moment my adoption fairy tale ended. Fast forward to coming home. After what is easily the worst 36 or so hours of my life to get her home (child birth was much easier), I was left with this child who was annoying, manipulative, and would go into raging screaming tantrums several times a day if anything in her world was anything less than absolutely perfect. I spent HOURS watching her pull out her hair, claw at her face, bite her arms, SCREAM in my face, throw things, and try to hurt me or whoever else was in her way. I remember a friend came to visit. She just kept saying "OH I loooooooooove her, I looooooove her". I thought "Good take her...try spending 24 hours with her and see if you still LOOOOOOVE her". Yet I felt horribly guilty. Wasn't I supposed to be the one that loved her? I didn't even LIKE her!
The simplest things in life were made in to a nightmare by her. I honestly thought my life would never be "normal" again. I celebrated getting her to bed and dreaded the moment she woke up. This is the best way I can describe it....Have you ever had a neighbor kid who drove you CRAZY?! You couldn't stand it when the kid showed up at your front door and breathed a sigh of relief when he left. He came to your house with tons of annoying qualities and respected none of the common courtesies of your home. Now imagine no one ever comes to take him home. He won't go away and you keep wondering where is his MOTHER?! That's kind of what it's like. I lived the phrase "Fake it until you feel it" and in that time God taught me things about love that I never would have learned without her.
Fast forward again another few months. Things had improved drastically. Believe me, we still had our issues and so did she, but we were actually starting to enjoy her....I would even say we liked her! I remember one night she was playing in a box that had come in the mail and Larry said "Do you know how I know things are getting better? Because I haven't calculated postage to send her to Ukraine in that box!" Our feelings for her grew and grew until we went through what I guess others call the honeymoon period. I always thought that came as soon as you got home but ours came many months later. We ADORED her. Again, was she perfect....were things all completely better? No, but our new normal had set in and we were finally able to enjoy being a family of 5. I thought bonding and attachment were over...we were done.
It was about this time that we decided to move. We moved from Arkansas to Missouri and I have to confess that I didn't see what happened next coming AT ALL. Oksana regressed, big time. She was whiny, clingy, overly affectionate with other people, and just downright obnoxious. It was a huge road bump in our attachment that took me totally by surprise but taught me a TON. Bonding and attachment doesn't happen over months and it doesn't happen all at once. It is a process that takes years and it is a roller coaster. Even today we go through periods of time when I can't get enough of her and periods of time when I think if I have to spend one more minute with her I will scream. I can definitely see the ups and downs of the roller coaster of attachment. Over time the ups last longer and there is more space between the downs but they are still there. I've learned to roll with them and love her in the best way I can regardless of what I am feeling at the time. Do I love her? Without a doubt. Passionately and fiercely. That doesn't mean it's not still hard sometimes.
So why are we doing it again? Because I know that the benefits FAR outweigh the struggles. I know that my life won't be "normal" again, but over time we will find a new normal. I know the joy of seeing a child learn to love and learning to love right along with her. I know that I can't imagine my life without her and someday soon I won't be able to imagine my life without Anya. I know that I can find joy in my trials and a closeness with the Lord like nothing else will bring. I know that adopting has changed our lives in more ways than I can count and it's worth it....so so worth it.
There was a point on this blog back when we first brought Oksana home where I wrote a post that basically said I need a break from this blog. I struggled with telling you the truth, which was basically that I did not like this child at all. Yet if I continued writing all of the great stuff I felt like a liar. Ask anyone and they will likely tell you they struggle with the same things when they blog. People handle it differently. Some are OK with brutal honesty, others lie their fool heads off to make it appear that everything is fine. I chose silence until things got better because I didn't know what to do.
During the process of adopting a child you are given a picture and a brief description. You may even know people who met the child and spent some time with them. You start to create in your head an image of who you think that child will be. I created the fairy tale adoption story complete with me and my new child running towards each other in slow motion in a field of daisies and embracing each other. What? My child has CP and she can't run? That's OK she can crawl but either way she will have a big huge smile on her face because she will now have a mama! So that's a slight dramatization of what was going on in my head during the paperwork process.
Then I met her. Oh boy. The first time we met we got 10 whole minutes with her and she seemed absolutely wonderful. Then came our first long visit with her and that was the moment my adoption fairy tale ended. Fast forward to coming home. After what is easily the worst 36 or so hours of my life to get her home (child birth was much easier), I was left with this child who was annoying, manipulative, and would go into raging screaming tantrums several times a day if anything in her world was anything less than absolutely perfect. I spent HOURS watching her pull out her hair, claw at her face, bite her arms, SCREAM in my face, throw things, and try to hurt me or whoever else was in her way. I remember a friend came to visit. She just kept saying "OH I loooooooooove her, I looooooove her". I thought "Good take her...try spending 24 hours with her and see if you still LOOOOOOVE her". Yet I felt horribly guilty. Wasn't I supposed to be the one that loved her? I didn't even LIKE her!
The simplest things in life were made in to a nightmare by her. I honestly thought my life would never be "normal" again. I celebrated getting her to bed and dreaded the moment she woke up. This is the best way I can describe it....Have you ever had a neighbor kid who drove you CRAZY?! You couldn't stand it when the kid showed up at your front door and breathed a sigh of relief when he left. He came to your house with tons of annoying qualities and respected none of the common courtesies of your home. Now imagine no one ever comes to take him home. He won't go away and you keep wondering where is his MOTHER?! That's kind of what it's like. I lived the phrase "Fake it until you feel it" and in that time God taught me things about love that I never would have learned without her.
Fast forward again another few months. Things had improved drastically. Believe me, we still had our issues and so did she, but we were actually starting to enjoy her....I would even say we liked her! I remember one night she was playing in a box that had come in the mail and Larry said "Do you know how I know things are getting better? Because I haven't calculated postage to send her to Ukraine in that box!" Our feelings for her grew and grew until we went through what I guess others call the honeymoon period. I always thought that came as soon as you got home but ours came many months later. We ADORED her. Again, was she perfect....were things all completely better? No, but our new normal had set in and we were finally able to enjoy being a family of 5. I thought bonding and attachment were over...we were done.
It was about this time that we decided to move. We moved from Arkansas to Missouri and I have to confess that I didn't see what happened next coming AT ALL. Oksana regressed, big time. She was whiny, clingy, overly affectionate with other people, and just downright obnoxious. It was a huge road bump in our attachment that took me totally by surprise but taught me a TON. Bonding and attachment doesn't happen over months and it doesn't happen all at once. It is a process that takes years and it is a roller coaster. Even today we go through periods of time when I can't get enough of her and periods of time when I think if I have to spend one more minute with her I will scream. I can definitely see the ups and downs of the roller coaster of attachment. Over time the ups last longer and there is more space between the downs but they are still there. I've learned to roll with them and love her in the best way I can regardless of what I am feeling at the time. Do I love her? Without a doubt. Passionately and fiercely. That doesn't mean it's not still hard sometimes.
So why are we doing it again? Because I know that the benefits FAR outweigh the struggles. I know that my life won't be "normal" again, but over time we will find a new normal. I know the joy of seeing a child learn to love and learning to love right along with her. I know that I can't imagine my life without her and someday soon I won't be able to imagine my life without Anya. I know that I can find joy in my trials and a closeness with the Lord like nothing else will bring. I know that adopting has changed our lives in more ways than I can count and it's worth it....so so worth it.
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