Revisiting the IEP....already - Part 3: Grief and Acceptance

I forgot to mention something in my last blog that backed up my theory that the intensity of the work in class was a factor in her behavior problems. Oksana has always loved school. Just recently she's started saying "Is this a school day?" every day when I wake her up. If I say "yes" she is fine and goes on with her day but if I say "no" she cheers. Very unusual for her. The other day I was asking her what she liked best about school and what she liked least. When I asked what she liked least she said "The hard work in my classroom". Bingo! This is a hard working child. She will meet a challenge head on as I've seen her do over and over again in the past year and a half but when it's definitely above her ability level it is terribly frustrating.

With that out of the way, on to part 3. Have you ever been in a situation where something happened it was perfectly OK but you still had to grieve it? Maybe not because I can't think of a time when I felt that way before now. When I got the note home that they wanted to consider adaptive PE, and then talked about giving her more time in the special ed room, I was in complete and total agreement. I want whatever is best for her to be successful in school. And yet I surprised myself by feeling grief. I was sad, mourning, in a sense, the fact that she was unable to live up to those high hopes we all had for her at that IEP meeting. Let me be clear that I was not blaming her in any way, it was just a step in understanding how much she is not like other kids and coming to grips with that. One of the main reasons I was so surprised by this is that I chose CP, I chose microcephaly, and I guess I felt that would exempt me from the mourning that many parents experience when they learn that their biological child has a disability....but I was wrong. We set the bar high for Oksana and now it has to be set lower and that just made me sad. I had to mourn what Oksana could have been had it not been for CP, or microcephaly, or her most formative years being spent in an orphanage. I have to admit that I was frustrated with myself for these feelings. Was I not accepting Oksana as she is? Was I not equipped to parent a child with a disability? Then one day it occurred to me. I was being a MOM. A mom who loves her daughter. I was going through what many biological parents go through in the early years of learning that their child has a disability and fully grasping what that will mean for their child's life. Realizing that allowed me to feel the sadness I needed to feel and be able to move on to acceptance and prepare this kiddo to reach whatever potential it is that she can reach.

There will be one more part to this story but it will come after the new year. Oksana was supposed to start adaptive PE yesterday but she had a para sub and she didn't make it there. As you can imagine that didn't go over too well! She should start today so I am anxious to hear what she thinks. Christmas break starts Friday. After the break she will do about another week of adaptive PE so we can be sure it is a good fit and then I will hear from them to talk about adjusting her hours and rewriting the IEP. I'll update you when that happens.