Oksana's amazing therapist just completely remodeled her office and it is beautiful! It is calming and peaceful. She has 2 therapy dogs and recently got 2 beautiful little finches. She told me that, like fish, bird watching is calming. Oksana was SO taken by the birds. She spends most of her therapy time now sitting by the birds and watching them while she talks. I suggested to Larry that we might want to consider birds for her birthday. We went to the pet store and did some research. We don't want a bird that can be handled. We would like them to live more than a week and with Anya and Oksana that won't happen! We just want some fun little birds that we can watch, take care of, and listen to their chirping. We found some darling little zebra finches that I think would be perfect. We talked to the boys about it and we all agreed that we do not want Oksana to name the birds. I assure you they would be named bipolar and schizophrenia. Thanks but no thanks! We decided to name them Merry and Pippin (from The Hobbit) and just tell her that they were already named :).
Her birthday isn't until April so we had put it in the back of our minds. One day on Facebook I made a comment about it. Some of the staff at school saw it and slipped and told her today. It's perfectly fine, it was an honest mistake. There are far worse things to be upset about in life! Her teacher emailed me to warn me that she was talking about getting birds and wondering if it was true. When I picked her up she was gently questioning me trying to see if I had really said she could have birds. Rather than torture her we just told her that if she would like to have birds for her birthday that is something we would be willing to consider. She was SO excited!
The downfall of this is that now she's driving us insane. It's all she can think about, all she can focus on, and all she can talk about. I finally told her that if she drove me crazy about it I would change my mind. Now she walks around reminding me that she's not driving me crazy about the birds! LOL!
This weekend we will probably let her go take a look and who knows, maybe we will come home with a little Merry and Pippin!
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
Days 47-54
I've been pondering this challenge. Most of the people in the group where I am doing this are photographers or really love photography. I did it for a very different reason. I did it because I wanted to pick up my camera more and use it. I found myself feeling bad if the picture I took wasn't spectacular. The people on my group have amazing pictures and quite honestly I'm just not that interested in being a great photographer. I have decided that for me, this challenge is more of a year in pictures. Now there will be days that I do work on my photography skills. This challenge has definitely made me think very differently about what I shoot and how I shoot it. Overall though I want to go back in a year and see it....the good and the bad....through the eye of my camera. So here goes nothing....:)
I've been pondering this challenge. Most of the people in the group where I am doing this are photographers or really love photography. I did it for a very different reason. I did it because I wanted to pick up my camera more and use it. I found myself feeling bad if the picture I took wasn't spectacular. The people on my group have amazing pictures and quite honestly I'm just not that interested in being a great photographer. I have decided that for me, this challenge is more of a year in pictures. Now there will be days that I do work on my photography skills. This challenge has definitely made me think very differently about what I shoot and how I shoot it. Overall though I want to go back in a year and see it....the good and the bad....through the eye of my camera. So here goes nothing....:)
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| Anya is going through a kissing phase. She loves to kiss and it has to be right on the lips. Don't think it will be a little peck either. She really lays it on you! I'm not complaining! |
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| During Oksana's first hospital stay she brought her pillow that she sleeps with every night. The pillow was made for her by the daughter of a friend of ours 4 1/2 years ago when Oksana first came home. Unfortunately it was lost at the hospital. She was devastated. I called the friend and her daughter immediately made Oksana another one. This is the day it came in the mail. She was so happy! |
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| Sweet girl back in the hospital with her stuffed pink dog. |
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A stuffed animal and a little girl Princess book against the backdrop of a psych ward. |
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| Another day of visits. |
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| After that difficult visit at the hospital I desperately needed this. One of my favorite TV shows (Perception), an amazing chocolate cake that a friend made me, and a fire! |
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| A balloon that Oksana got the day she was released from the hospital against a beautiful blue sky. |
Monday, February 23, 2015
She's home
You may have seen that I wrote a post called Mama Bear the other day and you can not access it. That's because I deleted it. I was very frustrated with the hospital on Saturday and I really thought I was going to have to go mama bear on them. Luckily I got it worked out and no one had to see my ugly side :).
On Friday Oksana's doctor told me that we would see how her stability was over the weekend and that would determine if she could come home Monday. If she didn't stabilize enough we would be talking about long term care. As you can imagine this was a big deal to me. On Saturday I had planned to visit her during regular visiting hours from 5-7 so I called around 11 in the morning to check on her. They told me that she was doing good. She had taken a shower, had breakfast, and was watching a movie. I asked if she had any agitation at all. They said yes, she had been agitated after her shower. After I got off of the phone I commented to Larry that it wasn't very comforting to hear that she was fine while eating or watching a movie but when they actually required something of her that wasn't fun she got agitated. So that evening I showed up for visiting hours and was told that she had done great all day. I asked if she had done any non-preferred activities because if she had fun all day of course she would do great. I was told that before this she would get agitated even during preferred activities so this was progress. When I went to see her I found her watching a movie. Her 1 on 1 was with her so I started questioning her about the day. I found out that this was Oksana's 4th movie and the only time she had gotten to get up was when she complained her butt hurt. I was not happy but I didn't say anything because I was afraid that if I did I would end up in the psych ward!
To top it off she was eating a horribly unhealthy dinner. I had asked when I admitted her that they would monitor her food choices better. I reminded them that she was on medications that had a very high risk of obesity and when she was allowed to choose her own food she would choose nothing but junk! Obviously that didn't get communicated because her diet was awful.
She didn't look great either. Her hair was a mess, her orthotics were on completely wrong, and they had her in clothes that weren't hers. I'd had such an amazing experience at this hospital up to this point that I was shocked. I went home irate. I needed time to think.
The next day I prepared myself to have a "friendly" talk with them if things hadn't changed. When I got there she had a different 1 on 1. I was thrilled to see that it was a girl she had been with before and I really liked her. She looked much better. She had still watched movies but she had also been up walking and making a lot of pictures for me. I talked to the 1 on 1 about the food issue and she brought me a menu. The menu was FULL of great healthy foods. She was choosing the junk every single time. I learned that if we ever go there again I can choose all of her meals and control what she eats. You can bet I will be doing that. I felt so much better after that visit.
This morning I got a call from the doctor that she felt Oksana was ready to be discharged. I commented about the movies all day but she didn't seem overly concerned. I've learned form other people that sadly, this is the reality sometimes, especially on the weekends. At that point I just wanted her home where I could feed her properly and find her something to do that wasn't a movie! When I went to pick her up she was rather sedated. She had been like that on and off over the weekend too. She is on heavy duty drugs. Basically it got to the point that they had to sedate her down a bit to stabilize her. Once she is adjusted back home and we've watched her for a few more days we can start to back off of some of the meds and see how she does. She is now on Zyprexa, Lithium, and Clonidine.
Earlier today anytime she sat still she dozed off but now she is up and playing. She still managed to bite my head off when I did something she didn't like so obviously the meds aren't affecting her too bad! We start our extensive testing to try to get more info on what we are dealing with on March 3 and then on the 5th we go back to see the psychiatrist. Lets hope this time I take her home with me, especially since another hospitalization will mean a long term stay!
Just as a side note, her current and ever changing diagnosis is currently Bipolar disorder Type 1 mixed episode. Here is a link to info about a mixed episode and it describes very well what we saw this week. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_state_%28psychiatry%29
On Friday Oksana's doctor told me that we would see how her stability was over the weekend and that would determine if she could come home Monday. If she didn't stabilize enough we would be talking about long term care. As you can imagine this was a big deal to me. On Saturday I had planned to visit her during regular visiting hours from 5-7 so I called around 11 in the morning to check on her. They told me that she was doing good. She had taken a shower, had breakfast, and was watching a movie. I asked if she had any agitation at all. They said yes, she had been agitated after her shower. After I got off of the phone I commented to Larry that it wasn't very comforting to hear that she was fine while eating or watching a movie but when they actually required something of her that wasn't fun she got agitated. So that evening I showed up for visiting hours and was told that she had done great all day. I asked if she had done any non-preferred activities because if she had fun all day of course she would do great. I was told that before this she would get agitated even during preferred activities so this was progress. When I went to see her I found her watching a movie. Her 1 on 1 was with her so I started questioning her about the day. I found out that this was Oksana's 4th movie and the only time she had gotten to get up was when she complained her butt hurt. I was not happy but I didn't say anything because I was afraid that if I did I would end up in the psych ward!
To top it off she was eating a horribly unhealthy dinner. I had asked when I admitted her that they would monitor her food choices better. I reminded them that she was on medications that had a very high risk of obesity and when she was allowed to choose her own food she would choose nothing but junk! Obviously that didn't get communicated because her diet was awful.
She didn't look great either. Her hair was a mess, her orthotics were on completely wrong, and they had her in clothes that weren't hers. I'd had such an amazing experience at this hospital up to this point that I was shocked. I went home irate. I needed time to think.
The next day I prepared myself to have a "friendly" talk with them if things hadn't changed. When I got there she had a different 1 on 1. I was thrilled to see that it was a girl she had been with before and I really liked her. She looked much better. She had still watched movies but she had also been up walking and making a lot of pictures for me. I talked to the 1 on 1 about the food issue and she brought me a menu. The menu was FULL of great healthy foods. She was choosing the junk every single time. I learned that if we ever go there again I can choose all of her meals and control what she eats. You can bet I will be doing that. I felt so much better after that visit.
This morning I got a call from the doctor that she felt Oksana was ready to be discharged. I commented about the movies all day but she didn't seem overly concerned. I've learned form other people that sadly, this is the reality sometimes, especially on the weekends. At that point I just wanted her home where I could feed her properly and find her something to do that wasn't a movie! When I went to pick her up she was rather sedated. She had been like that on and off over the weekend too. She is on heavy duty drugs. Basically it got to the point that they had to sedate her down a bit to stabilize her. Once she is adjusted back home and we've watched her for a few more days we can start to back off of some of the meds and see how she does. She is now on Zyprexa, Lithium, and Clonidine.
Earlier today anytime she sat still she dozed off but now she is up and playing. She still managed to bite my head off when I did something she didn't like so obviously the meds aren't affecting her too bad! We start our extensive testing to try to get more info on what we are dealing with on March 3 and then on the 5th we go back to see the psychiatrist. Lets hope this time I take her home with me, especially since another hospitalization will mean a long term stay!
Just as a side note, her current and ever changing diagnosis is currently Bipolar disorder Type 1 mixed episode. Here is a link to info about a mixed episode and it describes very well what we saw this week. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_state_%28psychiatry%29
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Hospital
I'll probably have to type this in small increments before I finally finish but I need to get an update on here! Oksana is still in the hospital. She is going to stay in through the weekend. Hopefully she will stabilize and can be discharged on Monday. If not we are going to start talking about long term care. There is a psychiatric hospital in the city here that takes kids for a couple of months at a time and does some really intensive therapies, etc. to help them. The doctors there are the best of the best in this field. If she doesn't stabilize we will transfer her there. If she does stabilize, comes back home, and then has to go in the hospital again she will go there long term. She is currently on Zyprexa, Lithium, and Clonidine. The fact that she isn't completely knocked out is amazing. If I was on what she is on I'm not sure I would wake up for a week.
Let me share what landed her in the hospital again. Since her discharge on the 9th she has been up and down. On Wednesday afternoon she had a GI appointment and her follow up psych appointment from her first hospitalization. They were both in the same hospital so it worked out great. I intended to tell psych that she had some definite areas of improvement but probably needed a tweak to her meds to help some of the agitation we were still seeing. She had been aggressive toward herself all week and Tuesday and Wednesday had been aggressive toward staff at school. So we went to GI and she was very upbeat and cheerful. We found out that because of the increases in meds we had done to try to stabilize her she was completely backed up again. Luckily we don't have to hospitalize her to clean her out, we got what looks to be a "fun" home regiment!
After GI we stopped for a restroom break before we went to her psych appointment. While in the stall she had a question she wanted to ask me but she couldn't remember it. She started to become very agitated to the point that I was afraid she was going to lose it right there in the bathroom. I managed to get her out of there with a scene but nothing too terrible. I needed to stop by the cafe to grab a water so I could give her her 2:00 meds so I put her in a chair while I got the water. She started slapping herself on the head. I could tell she was going downhill fast. I got her meds in her and prayed we could just make it to the psych's office before she blew. We made it up there, again with a scene but nothing bad.
She continued to be agitated there. Every little thing was ticking her off and she wasn't calming down. The psychiatrist (Dr S) called her in to her office and on the way in I warned her that she was agitated. Once we got in the room Oksana was mouthing off to her. She told her she isn't a princess she is a witch. Dr S had a bit of a talk with her and then we went on talking about what had been happening since her discharge. Oksana was continuing to be agitated and at one point stood up and started going toward Dr S. She threatened to call security and Oksana sat back down. Then she stood up again and grabbed a valentine off of her desk. She smiled and said "Is this your valentine?" Dr S told her that it was and that she wanted her to put it down and respect her space. Oksana defied her and the doctor asked if she needed to go back in the hospital. We started walking out to the hallway and Oksana said "I want a sticker." Dr S told her she would not be getting a sticker so Oksana whipped around and grabbed her shirt. She asked me if I wanted her to put her back in the hospital. I said no and told her lets just get her out to the waiting room and see what happens.
We got out to the waiting room and Oksana immediately came after me. I whipped her into a restraint. Dr S asked if I needed her to call security. I told her no because I do this all the time so just give me some time to see what happens. After 15 minutes the nurse came out and asked if I needed help. I told her that I had some extra medication in my purse and I was going to give it to her to see if it would calm her down. Another 15 minutes later I still have her in restraint and the nurse comes back in to see if I need help. I told her that if she didn't come down soon we would need to admit her. Now realize all this time I have her pinned in a restraint, she is screaming her head off, trying to get ahold of me in any way she can, and screaming at anyone who walks by her, all while families are coming in and out of the waiting room. I kept telling her that I wanted her to go home with me but that if she couldn't calm down we would have to put her back in the hospital. She said she wanted to sleep in her own bed but it didn't stop the behavior at all. At one point I felt her muscles relax and thought she might finally be getting tired so I relaxed my grip. She got her hand out and clawed my face so I put her right back in restraint. The nurse walked in again another 15 minutes later and didn't even say anything to me. She just turned around and left. Next thing I knew security was coming in the room.
The first security officer asked me if she did that to my face. I knew she had scratched me but I had no idea how bad. He was talking to her and then another and another security officer came in. She was so shocked that she willingly got up to go with them. They told her that they were going to take her to another office. I asked them if they were admitting her and they told me they were. We are still in the waiting room all this time with all of these families staring at us. At that point I lost it. I knew it needed to happen but when it really happened I just kept thinking "I can't believe this is happening! I expected to tweak her meds and go home! She was JUST in here!" I was crying and crying but trying not to let her see me. The nurse practitioner walked with me as they escorted her to the psych unit. We looked like quite the entourage going through the hospital and there were plenty of staring eyes which just made me cry more.
When we got up to the psych unit I sadly knew the routine. It was quick and easy this time because she had just been there. After I talked to the intake lady who knew me already and the nurse who knew me already, I went to say goodbye to Oksana. She was perfectly calm by then. I told her I would bring her a stuffed animal and some clothes the next day, gave her a kiss, and left her behind again.
This hospitalization has been very hard on us. We are just in shock that it happened again this fast. You would think that with her being gone life would be easier. It's not. We are so out of routine it isn't even funny. We are constantly fielding phone calls from doctors and hospitals, we are now having to fit in visits every day, and at the same time we need to maintain everything else in our life because we do have 3 other kids. I feel like I'm barely keeping up. I'm forgetting stuff left and right because my brain just literally can not hold everything. I emailed all of my boys' teachers at their homeschool program to tell them what happened and ask them for grace. I'm literally barely home during the day right now and I can not keep up with all of their work on top of everything else. Luckily they are very independent but their teachers have been more than kind. Clayton already got to take a test late so he could have more time to study.
We have some of the most amazing friends. We have had about a billion offers of help and I'm literally so overwhelmed that I don't even know what to ask for. Right now my mind is overwhelmed with thoughts of how she is doing this weekend. Regardless of whether or not she comes home it's going to be a very hard transition. I'll try to keep this updated as best I can in the coming days.
Let me share what landed her in the hospital again. Since her discharge on the 9th she has been up and down. On Wednesday afternoon she had a GI appointment and her follow up psych appointment from her first hospitalization. They were both in the same hospital so it worked out great. I intended to tell psych that she had some definite areas of improvement but probably needed a tweak to her meds to help some of the agitation we were still seeing. She had been aggressive toward herself all week and Tuesday and Wednesday had been aggressive toward staff at school. So we went to GI and she was very upbeat and cheerful. We found out that because of the increases in meds we had done to try to stabilize her she was completely backed up again. Luckily we don't have to hospitalize her to clean her out, we got what looks to be a "fun" home regiment!
After GI we stopped for a restroom break before we went to her psych appointment. While in the stall she had a question she wanted to ask me but she couldn't remember it. She started to become very agitated to the point that I was afraid she was going to lose it right there in the bathroom. I managed to get her out of there with a scene but nothing too terrible. I needed to stop by the cafe to grab a water so I could give her her 2:00 meds so I put her in a chair while I got the water. She started slapping herself on the head. I could tell she was going downhill fast. I got her meds in her and prayed we could just make it to the psych's office before she blew. We made it up there, again with a scene but nothing bad.
She continued to be agitated there. Every little thing was ticking her off and she wasn't calming down. The psychiatrist (Dr S) called her in to her office and on the way in I warned her that she was agitated. Once we got in the room Oksana was mouthing off to her. She told her she isn't a princess she is a witch. Dr S had a bit of a talk with her and then we went on talking about what had been happening since her discharge. Oksana was continuing to be agitated and at one point stood up and started going toward Dr S. She threatened to call security and Oksana sat back down. Then she stood up again and grabbed a valentine off of her desk. She smiled and said "Is this your valentine?" Dr S told her that it was and that she wanted her to put it down and respect her space. Oksana defied her and the doctor asked if she needed to go back in the hospital. We started walking out to the hallway and Oksana said "I want a sticker." Dr S told her she would not be getting a sticker so Oksana whipped around and grabbed her shirt. She asked me if I wanted her to put her back in the hospital. I said no and told her lets just get her out to the waiting room and see what happens.
We got out to the waiting room and Oksana immediately came after me. I whipped her into a restraint. Dr S asked if I needed her to call security. I told her no because I do this all the time so just give me some time to see what happens. After 15 minutes the nurse came out and asked if I needed help. I told her that I had some extra medication in my purse and I was going to give it to her to see if it would calm her down. Another 15 minutes later I still have her in restraint and the nurse comes back in to see if I need help. I told her that if she didn't come down soon we would need to admit her. Now realize all this time I have her pinned in a restraint, she is screaming her head off, trying to get ahold of me in any way she can, and screaming at anyone who walks by her, all while families are coming in and out of the waiting room. I kept telling her that I wanted her to go home with me but that if she couldn't calm down we would have to put her back in the hospital. She said she wanted to sleep in her own bed but it didn't stop the behavior at all. At one point I felt her muscles relax and thought she might finally be getting tired so I relaxed my grip. She got her hand out and clawed my face so I put her right back in restraint. The nurse walked in again another 15 minutes later and didn't even say anything to me. She just turned around and left. Next thing I knew security was coming in the room.
The first security officer asked me if she did that to my face. I knew she had scratched me but I had no idea how bad. He was talking to her and then another and another security officer came in. She was so shocked that she willingly got up to go with them. They told her that they were going to take her to another office. I asked them if they were admitting her and they told me they were. We are still in the waiting room all this time with all of these families staring at us. At that point I lost it. I knew it needed to happen but when it really happened I just kept thinking "I can't believe this is happening! I expected to tweak her meds and go home! She was JUST in here!" I was crying and crying but trying not to let her see me. The nurse practitioner walked with me as they escorted her to the psych unit. We looked like quite the entourage going through the hospital and there were plenty of staring eyes which just made me cry more.
When we got up to the psych unit I sadly knew the routine. It was quick and easy this time because she had just been there. After I talked to the intake lady who knew me already and the nurse who knew me already, I went to say goodbye to Oksana. She was perfectly calm by then. I told her I would bring her a stuffed animal and some clothes the next day, gave her a kiss, and left her behind again.
This hospitalization has been very hard on us. We are just in shock that it happened again this fast. You would think that with her being gone life would be easier. It's not. We are so out of routine it isn't even funny. We are constantly fielding phone calls from doctors and hospitals, we are now having to fit in visits every day, and at the same time we need to maintain everything else in our life because we do have 3 other kids. I feel like I'm barely keeping up. I'm forgetting stuff left and right because my brain just literally can not hold everything. I emailed all of my boys' teachers at their homeschool program to tell them what happened and ask them for grace. I'm literally barely home during the day right now and I can not keep up with all of their work on top of everything else. Luckily they are very independent but their teachers have been more than kind. Clayton already got to take a test late so he could have more time to study.
We have some of the most amazing friends. We have had about a billion offers of help and I'm literally so overwhelmed that I don't even know what to ask for. Right now my mind is overwhelmed with thoughts of how she is doing this weekend. Regardless of whether or not she comes home it's going to be a very hard transition. I'll try to keep this updated as best I can in the coming days.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Hospitalized again
We admitted Oksana again tonight. I'm so exhausted I don't even have the energy to share everything that happened. I'll share more when I have time.
Monday, February 16, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
2 posts in one day...I'm on a roll :).
Days 39-46
Days 39-46
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| Flowers from Costco |
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| I already posted this picture in a post but it was day 40...discharge day. |
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| So we are thinking about getting Oksana birds for her birthday. I'll post more about that later. We went to the pet store just to check them out :) |
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| The challenge on the week I took this was water. This is my water picture :) |
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| The challenge on the next week was love. This one I titled "Brotherly love" |
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| The boys and I started reading this. I'm on book one, Evan is on book 2, and Clayton is on book 3. |
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| We had a church staff party at Rams Park where the Rams practice. It was so fun! |
Jeff
I was reminded that I totally forgot to tell what happened between Larry and Jeff! Here is the post where I referenced that if you missed it: http://lorainefamily.blogspot.com/2015/01/weirdest-weekend-ever.html
When Larry got to the funeral it took him awhile to figure out who Jeff was. It had been many years and he didn't look the same. Larry said it was an extremely uncomfortable first 20 minutes. Larry visited with all of the other members of Jeff's family. They both knew the other was in the room but neither one was acknowledging it. Finally my husband decided someone needed to take the first step. He was very nervous and had no idea how Jeff would respond. He walked up to him, put his arm around his shoulders and said "How are you doing?". Jeff didn't even look at him, he just said "I'm so sorry". Larry assured him that he didn't need to be sorry and that they were both at fault. Jeff said it was a stupid thing to come between them and asked if they could start over. They exchanged numbers and found each other on Facebook. I can't begin to tell you the relief that Larry felt! It was seriously a 12 year long weight lifted off of his shoulders!
I was at cheer with the girls during this. When I got a text explaining briefly what had happened I screamed and hugged our respite provider who must have thought I had lost my mind! I am so thankful for this restored relationship!
When Larry got to the funeral it took him awhile to figure out who Jeff was. It had been many years and he didn't look the same. Larry said it was an extremely uncomfortable first 20 minutes. Larry visited with all of the other members of Jeff's family. They both knew the other was in the room but neither one was acknowledging it. Finally my husband decided someone needed to take the first step. He was very nervous and had no idea how Jeff would respond. He walked up to him, put his arm around his shoulders and said "How are you doing?". Jeff didn't even look at him, he just said "I'm so sorry". Larry assured him that he didn't need to be sorry and that they were both at fault. Jeff said it was a stupid thing to come between them and asked if they could start over. They exchanged numbers and found each other on Facebook. I can't begin to tell you the relief that Larry felt! It was seriously a 12 year long weight lifted off of his shoulders!
I was at cheer with the girls during this. When I got a text explaining briefly what had happened I screamed and hugged our respite provider who must have thought I had lost my mind! I am so thankful for this restored relationship!
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Home!
Yesterday Oksana was discharged. I picked her up around 10:30am. My favorite nurses were there so I got to say goodbye and thank them for their care. I know she will be back some day but hopefully not soon! Oksana was so excited to go home. She wanted to be back in her cozy bed. The other thing she pointed out was that she missed carpet! LOL! Interestingly she never mentioned missing us or her siblings, but I made it clear that we missed her. Anya had been asking for her over and over again. When she saw her Monday afternoon she gave her a big hug! Quite honestly the boys weren't impressed. They don't dislike Oksana but she is very hard to live with and I see them distancing themselves from her. It makes me sad but I can't force them to be excited about someone coming home who spent the last year beating us up. I felt a mixture of emotions. I really was ready for her to be home, but I was also nervous. What would it be like being back in the daily grind after a week off? How would she do? Was she really better?
I wish I could say things are fantastic but they aren't. Yesterday she was so excited to be home but by afternoon she became agitated and self injured quite a bit. I even talked to a nurse wondering if it was possible that the new med wasn't in her system all the way yet. She said it should be, but to keep documenting so that we can tell her psych at our appointment next week. She is also still napping daily. I'll be curious to see if that starts to disappear as her body adjusts more. Today she was a bit better. She was very excited to be back at school and was the center of attention so I'm not surprised she did good. I'll be curious to see how the rest of the week goes.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
365 Day Photo Challenge
Days 28-38
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| Chicago mix popcorn. Cheddar and caramel. It's amazing! |
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| Every year on Larry's birthday each of us writes a letter, draws a picture, etc in a journal to him. This was our 10th year. |
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| Larry's birthday cake. |
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| Perfection! I found out there are some people who have never heard of this game. How is that possible?! |
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| You may have seen this video going around facebook of a girl with Down Syndrome singing. Anya loved it! |
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| Taken the night I admitted Oksana. It was on the wall at the hospital and gave me comfort each time I walked by it. |
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| The sky on the way to our first visit with Oksana. |
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| Some days I have no inspiration. This was a day when it was late and I needed a picture. Larry was working next to me so he got to be my picture of the day! |
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| Allow me to explain. The picture on the left is one that my friend took of her son. He is one of my boys' best buddies. He posted it on Instagram and challenged his friends to recreate it. The picture on the right is my boys' recreation. I laugh every single time I look at it! |
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| Anya celebrating National Frozen Yogurt Day at Orange Leaf with Elsa :) |
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| The homeschool program my boys go to is also a school of the arts. This is a play they put on and we went to see it last night. It was Sherlock and they did such a great job! My boys weren't in it but Clayton is considering taking some classes in backstage "stuff". I think he would be great at it. |
Friday, February 6, 2015
Visits
Oksana is still in the hospital. We hoped that she could come home today but she still isn't stable enough. She is definitely doing better. The doctor just decided to watch over her for the weekend before we make any decisions. The last thing we all want is to send her home and turn right back around to admit her.
Visiting hours are 5-7pm but her psychiatrist told us we could visit any time so that we can be with our family in the evening. That was a huge help. We've been going for a couple of hours every afternoon, and since we don't have a bunch of families there we have gotten to know the staff. We are very pleased with the care Oksana is receiving. The staff has been very sweet and helpful to us. I don't know what your images of a psych ward are but I definitely had my preconceived ideas. I imagined stark white walls and people walking up and down the halls making noises and talking to themselves. In this hospital the walls are painted in calming colors, they have pictures of wildlife on the walls, and it has actually been a peaceful place when I have been there. I know full well that isn't always the case but I'm surprised how "normal" it all feels. The kids there are just like any other kid. Actually the most obviously involved child there is Oksana. She is the one pacing the halls talking to people who aren't there. That was a bit of a surprise to us on our first visit. Even in a psych ward she stands out.
The hospital has also been incredibly accommodating to Oksana's unique needs. Her first night was with a room mate and it did not go so well. By the next night she had her own room so she could sleep in peace. She was struggling to get dressed correctly and do basic skills for herself that the other kids could do with out assistance. That combined with her aggression got her a 1 on 1. I was so thrilled that they did that.
Our first couple of visits were very good. She was still manic on Tuesday and even Wednesday and Thursday they had a hard time keeping her calm. Still, our time with her was spent laughing, playing, and enjoying our time together. It was actually really nice to be the good guy who swoops in to play and have fun and then leaves so she can beat them up. I actually think this has been good for our relationship. I've really enjoyed her because I haven't had to be prepared to be attacked constantly. Thursday they had started to put in some more meds to try to bring her down some so her psych warned me that she might be a bit sedated. Shortly after I got there she fell asleep on my lap and slept for about an hour. The next hour we spent hanging out and talking to her 1 on 1. This morning she had an aggressive episode so they had given her something to calm her before we arrived. Once we got there she was barely awake. We got to say hi and talk a bit and then we took her to her room and she crashed! We decided to stay there thinking that she would wake up in an hour like she did yesterday. After an hour and a half she was still crashed so we considered it a date in the psych ward and headed home!
There are a couple of things that I have discussed with her psychiatrist. One is that she told me to prepare for the fact that Oksana will always be symptomatic. She said that she believes some of what we see is a primal instinct from her trauma history and she can not medicate that away. She also started throwing out the word schizophrenia which I have suspected for a long time but she has never said. We got her set up for some extensive testing at a local hospital that should tell us more. Her psychiatrist said she is very reluctant to diagnose a 9 year old as schizophrenic without some really good evidence and she thinks this testing will be able to give her what she needs.
This is her first hospitalization....it won't be her last. At least now I know the hospital, the system, and the benefits of hospitalization. Honestly we now see that we could have done this a long time ago. We did everything we could to keep her home as long as possible and I don't regret that but it was definitely time for this level of intervention.
Visiting hours are 5-7pm but her psychiatrist told us we could visit any time so that we can be with our family in the evening. That was a huge help. We've been going for a couple of hours every afternoon, and since we don't have a bunch of families there we have gotten to know the staff. We are very pleased with the care Oksana is receiving. The staff has been very sweet and helpful to us. I don't know what your images of a psych ward are but I definitely had my preconceived ideas. I imagined stark white walls and people walking up and down the halls making noises and talking to themselves. In this hospital the walls are painted in calming colors, they have pictures of wildlife on the walls, and it has actually been a peaceful place when I have been there. I know full well that isn't always the case but I'm surprised how "normal" it all feels. The kids there are just like any other kid. Actually the most obviously involved child there is Oksana. She is the one pacing the halls talking to people who aren't there. That was a bit of a surprise to us on our first visit. Even in a psych ward she stands out.
The hospital has also been incredibly accommodating to Oksana's unique needs. Her first night was with a room mate and it did not go so well. By the next night she had her own room so she could sleep in peace. She was struggling to get dressed correctly and do basic skills for herself that the other kids could do with out assistance. That combined with her aggression got her a 1 on 1. I was so thrilled that they did that.
Our first couple of visits were very good. She was still manic on Tuesday and even Wednesday and Thursday they had a hard time keeping her calm. Still, our time with her was spent laughing, playing, and enjoying our time together. It was actually really nice to be the good guy who swoops in to play and have fun and then leaves so she can beat them up. I actually think this has been good for our relationship. I've really enjoyed her because I haven't had to be prepared to be attacked constantly. Thursday they had started to put in some more meds to try to bring her down some so her psych warned me that she might be a bit sedated. Shortly after I got there she fell asleep on my lap and slept for about an hour. The next hour we spent hanging out and talking to her 1 on 1. This morning she had an aggressive episode so they had given her something to calm her before we arrived. Once we got there she was barely awake. We got to say hi and talk a bit and then we took her to her room and she crashed! We decided to stay there thinking that she would wake up in an hour like she did yesterday. After an hour and a half she was still crashed so we considered it a date in the psych ward and headed home!
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| Baby girl zonked out. |
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| If you're on a "date" you need a selfie, right?! |
There are a couple of things that I have discussed with her psychiatrist. One is that she told me to prepare for the fact that Oksana will always be symptomatic. She said that she believes some of what we see is a primal instinct from her trauma history and she can not medicate that away. She also started throwing out the word schizophrenia which I have suspected for a long time but she has never said. We got her set up for some extensive testing at a local hospital that should tell us more. Her psychiatrist said she is very reluctant to diagnose a 9 year old as schizophrenic without some really good evidence and she thinks this testing will be able to give her what she needs.
This is her first hospitalization....it won't be her last. At least now I know the hospital, the system, and the benefits of hospitalization. Honestly we now see that we could have done this a long time ago. We did everything we could to keep her home as long as possible and I don't regret that but it was definitely time for this level of intervention.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Update
I have wanted to update here but things have been incredibly crazy. When I last wrote we had been told by psych to bring her in if she got aggressive over the weekend. Well we had a close call or two but she never really blew up. Monday I sent her to school and I got a call at 1 that she was raging and being aggressive to anyone she could get her hands on. I immediately called psych and she said it's time to bring her in. We had done everything possible to help her from home but she needed more specialized care. I picked her up from school and took her straight to the hospital. They evaluated her at intake, talked to her psychiatrist and determined that she would definitely be admitted. We had to wait a few hours for a bed so we walked the hospital, got some dinner, and checked out the gift shop. Larry brought her up some clothes for the weekend and then they said we had a bed. Now all this time I was an absolute nervous wreck but on the outside you would have thought this was the most normal thing I had ever done. I didn't want Oksana to sense any fear or concern so we went on with our evening as if we were hanging out for fun. The only difference is this time I was so upset that I wanted to vomit.
This is where it got interesting. Throughout the evening Oksana was becoming more and more manic. By the time we took her up to the psych floor she was bouncing off of the walls. I assure you they have never seen anyone so happy to be admitted. They told me that once we got there I would go in a waiting room and a nurse would get me to do paperwork. They would take Oksana back and then I could see her to say goodbye.
We walked through the first locked door and they showed me to the waiting room on the left. Then they unlocked the next door and took her in. I said bye, turned to walk in the waiting room, and totally and completely fell apart. I mean gasping for air ugly crying. Shortly after I got in another mom came. We hugged and cried and talked. Her son is 16 and had threatened to shoot up his school. This was his first admission too.
The nurse called me back to do paperwork and I was sobbing through the whole thing. Poor lady! She was really sweet though and made me feel better. She told me there were other young kids there and that if Oksana needed a book read to her at night or anything else that would help her they would be happy to do it. They have a very restricted list of things that they allow there but they did let Oksana have the pillow that she loves to sleep with.
I pulled myself together and went to say bye. She was so manic. She was running up and down the halls. When she saw me she was yelling "MOMMY! HI MOMMY!" and then she would occasionally say "THIS IS A SAFE PLACE!!" I am sure her mania was fueled by some pretty intense anxiety. When it was time for me to go she yelled "BYE MOMMY!" as if I was leaving her with grandma and all was well. I walked out and broke down again.
We get to visit with her for a couple of hours each day. We saw her last night and I am headed to see her this afternoon. I'll post about that later.
This is where it got interesting. Throughout the evening Oksana was becoming more and more manic. By the time we took her up to the psych floor she was bouncing off of the walls. I assure you they have never seen anyone so happy to be admitted. They told me that once we got there I would go in a waiting room and a nurse would get me to do paperwork. They would take Oksana back and then I could see her to say goodbye.
We walked through the first locked door and they showed me to the waiting room on the left. Then they unlocked the next door and took her in. I said bye, turned to walk in the waiting room, and totally and completely fell apart. I mean gasping for air ugly crying. Shortly after I got in another mom came. We hugged and cried and talked. Her son is 16 and had threatened to shoot up his school. This was his first admission too.
The nurse called me back to do paperwork and I was sobbing through the whole thing. Poor lady! She was really sweet though and made me feel better. She told me there were other young kids there and that if Oksana needed a book read to her at night or anything else that would help her they would be happy to do it. They have a very restricted list of things that they allow there but they did let Oksana have the pillow that she loves to sleep with.
I pulled myself together and went to say bye. She was so manic. She was running up and down the halls. When she saw me she was yelling "MOMMY! HI MOMMY!" and then she would occasionally say "THIS IS A SAFE PLACE!!" I am sure her mania was fueled by some pretty intense anxiety. When it was time for me to go she yelled "BYE MOMMY!" as if I was leaving her with grandma and all was well. I walked out and broke down again.
We get to visit with her for a couple of hours each day. We saw her last night and I am headed to see her this afternoon. I'll post about that later.
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