Anya - Wowza. Just 5 days makes a difference. What a total joy this child is. Her aggression has been cut at least in half. She is SO much calmer. We aren't exactly rocking and reading stories yet but I also don't feel like I am chasing her all day. She sat for long periods of time today playing with toys and it was wonderful! She went to Target with us and sat nicely in the cart (while I fed her a snack to keep her entertained). We still have plenty to work on. She is still a little too friendly with everyone and still has no concept that we are mom and dad. We are working hard on that. We are limiting visitors, limiting the length of the stay of the visitors we have, and we are firm on her boundaries for ANYONE except us. We are already seeing some improvement. I ended up removing her ability to feed herself. We are trying hard to make her successful, especially until she understands us better, so to avoid the food being thrown I now control the food and feed her. It's good for bonding anyway. She is already signing "more", "dog", "swing", and "drink". She's not always consistent with them but she has used them. More and swing are the 2 favorites :). She verbally says "more" and "hello", and she understands more of what we are saying to her each day.
Oksana - Overall she has really amazed me. I expected this to be MUCH harder on her. We had a rough day yesterday but nothing she did was anything that I wouldn't expect to see from ANY child her developmental age who was coping with a new sibling. She went back to school today and I was very ready for that. She had a pretty bad meltdown once today but otherwise did OK. The teacher is sure that it isn't quite as much about Anya as that she was gone for a week and needed to see if the rules still applied. At home we've added in a reward and a consequence for her behavior at school so we are hoping that will help her fall back into place a little faster. Tonight at home we thought she acted more like herself than she had since Anya came home. She was less obsessive about Anya and was more relaxed overall. I hope that this is a sign that this is becoming her new normal. On a side note she saw her neurologist for a follow up on her Risperdal and they are thrilled with her results. On Monday she sees the pediatric psychiatrist for her autism evaluation then on Wednesday we go back without her to talk with the psych more and get her input.
Evan and Clayton - I'm doing them together because I'd just be repeating everything in a different paragraph. They are doing great. They are spending less time in hiding :) and more time interacting with Anya. I think they are able to enjoy her more but I can still they still don't feel 100% comfortable with her yet. I do think they really like her though and they love seeing her do new things. It will just take time for them to feel as comfortable as they do with Oksana. They started back to school today too so life is moving forward now and they are doing great.
Me and Larry - I think we finally have a groove down. Those first couple of days felt like chaos! Now we feel better about the time we have with our kids and we are amazed at how our family is less than a week in and feeling almost normal again. I know I've said this before but we are light years ahead of where we were the first time around. We both think Anya is just a doll and are truly enjoying her. She's still a rascal to the extreme but we are seeing more and more of her sweet natured personality and we are so glad to have her in our family! Seriously, of all 4 of my kids this has been the easiest adjustment. I will tell you one area that I am struggling. I feel bad because I do think Anya is so precious. She jumps in my arms and lets me kiss all over her sweet little face and I could do it all day (until she bites my shoulder....see it's not all flowers and sunshine ;). I will share with you that it took me months...,maybe even years to feel that way about Oksana and I still struggle with her sometimes. She has been a very hard child to love, but now that I have no doubt I am madly in love with Oksana I can say that she continues to be a hard child to like sometimes. I've had moments where I've felt guilty for feeling that way and moments where I've felt angry at what we were put through when she came home. Not angry towards her at all just general anger that our family was put through that. Not many people will understand this but I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with PTSD because of her experience bringing a child just like Oksana home. I really don't believe I have it but I can TOTALLY see how that would happen and trust me when I say I've had my fair share of issues because of that experience. I know I'll get to the point where I can love and adore all of my children for who they are no matter what, but right now guilt is following me for my feelings for Anya.
So that's the written update and here are a few pictures.
I can't wait until I can tell Anya to smile and she will understand me!
Until then I have to try to catch her smiling like in this blurry picture of the girls together that I LOVE!
Another blurry one...what can I say...the swing moves! Still, I love the legs :).
She loves all toys that play music to be right on her ear. This is one of her favorites.
5 comments:
So glad Anya is doing well. I know all about having a child come home that makes it very difficult to love them. You work so hard and dream of the day the they will be home and then reality hits -- they may have a lot more issues than you ever knew. We adopted a child from EE that was diagnosed with severe RAD among other things and she made things here very, very difficult for several years and still has issues. You know it isn't their fault and that they really need you but they can make life very hard for the entire family.
Love the update, and the pictures!
Thanks for sharing about your early days home. Anya is just so CUTE!!
Not sure you'll be able to actually do what I say, but don't feel guilty! Each child is different. Each personality is different. Some kids are just harder to like than others. I went through a few years where I struggled with not liking Whitney at all. The guilt I felt didn't help me. I now have days when I struggle to like Kate or Lexi, when liking Meghan comes so easily. Don't feel guilty. It's a lie, so don't buy it. Reject that lie because you know it isn't of the Lord! You know you love Oksana, even if it is hard to like her sometimes. Enjoy the delight of being able to like Anya right away! What a blessing from God Who knew exactly what you needed. =)
She is beautiful!! So glad she is HOME :)
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