"God, I will die for these children"

The other day I was on Facebook and I saw a post about a movie coming out called The Drop Box.  This movie is about a Korean pastor who wanted to do something about the growing problem of babies being abandoned on the street so he created a “baby box” where people could anonymously leave their baby in a safe place.  I was immediately intrigued by this so I watched the trailer and something at the very end hit me pretty hard.  I tried to find a way to embed the trailer but it wasn't working so take a moment to go to their website and watch it:

http://www.dropbox-movie.com/trailer.html

Did you by any chance notice that quote at the end?  It said “God, I will die for these children.”  I was so taken by this quote and how it applies to my own life.  Parenting children with special needs has brought me so much joy but it is not the easy road.  Parenting adopted children with special needs who come from a past of neglect, trauma, and abandonment is a road like none other.  I’ve learned more about love and dying to self through these girls than through any other person or event in my life. 

On the good days it is a joy to see the person that God is making me through them.  He is continually dealing with my selfishness, my pride, and my anger.  He is deeply refining me in ways beyond what could be done without the girls in my life.  As I’ve loved them and learned how to parent them in a way that brings healing, I myself have been healed.  It is hard, painful work but it is also good, necessary work to make me more like the person He desires for me to be. 

On the bad days, I’ll just be honest, that paragraph would be hard for me to swallow.  There are days when I say “God what made you think I could do this?”  I remember a day when Oksana’s behaviors had reached such a climax that I found myself curled up on my kitchen floor sobbing and asking God how in the world He expected me to begin to help her heal.  I know He has given me everything I need to parent all of my children but some days I feel powerless.  It is those days that I thought of when I first saw that quote:

God, I will die for these children

It is empowering to choose death.  I am choosing to die to self, and trust Him to use me for His glory.  I am choosing to die to my selfishness, and trust that He chose me for this and will help me.  I am choosing to die to my anger, and trust Him to fill me with what I need to love through pain.  I am choosing to die to pride, and trust Him to choose my path no matter what that means for me.  I am choosing to die for my children….all of them…..and walk the unique and wonderful road He has put me on with joy no matter what the circumstances at the time.  So now on those bad days I will simply say “God, I will die for these children.”  It reminds me that I am choosing Him and I am not alone.