I guess I'll start with the good news. Anya is a Kindergarten rock star! That child has already won the hearts of the entire staff. She loves school, and besides a look of concern and a whimper when I dropped her off the first couple of days, she has been awesome. The best part is that every time I pick her up she sees me, shrieks with joy, jumps up and down, and throws herself in my arms. My heart could honestly explode. Speaking of my heart, I cried my eyes out the first day I dropped her off. I even managed to wait until I walked out so that she couldn't see me which was an act of God. Her special ed teacher hugged me and said "We will treat her as if she were our own." I told her that I had no doubt about that and it was the only reason my child was sitting in that classroom! Anya has her fair share of behaviors and she really drives me insane sometimes but boy did I miss that kid!
This is the part where I debate what to share about Oksana's first days. I won't give details. Here is what I will say. It has been bad....really bad. So bad that the school has totally changed their tune. They are really seeing her as a mentally ill child. Her diagnostician thinks that this is the RAD coming out. What ever it is, I don't care...all we know is she is getting worse and not better. That has kind of changed everything. They are now seeking outside help to help them with her. Seriously, it was that bad. I asked them what is the worst case scenario. They said she will go to an alternative school where the most disturbed children in the district go to learn to manage their behaviors so they can be put in a regular school again. I asked if we were to that point. They said not yet. We all feel like her meds are a big part of this. The new med just isn't working. I called the psychiatrist and when I told them the things that were happening our appointment went from being in November to being Monday. She was finally finding success at the end of the last school year on Risperdal so we know that with the right medication she can function better not just in school, but in life.
This isn't only a school issue for her. The second day of school she got pulled out early for her private therapy. I think she believed that we would not let her go to therapy if she misbehaved in school so she held it together. The teachers were so excited because they thought maybe it was just first day jitters. Well a child in this state can only hold it together so long, so the result was that the therapists got to experience her wrath. The third day at school was awful again. Now we are on the weekend and I'm curious to see how she does. I'd be tempted to think this was because of school except that, as I've indicated, summer got extremely bad. School has definitely put her in fight or flight more often though.
Again, in the end I think this is 90% about meds. I've mentioned before that my biggest fear is what will happen when she is older and bigger. If we don't get this figured out now she will be able to really do some damage. There is good news in all of this. Because she has gotten to this point and now school has seen it too, we are finally getting some help. On Monday morning I have an appointment with an organization that is going to get us set up with a number of resources to help our family, including some respite and the funding for it. How awesome is that? We desperately need this help. This has really taken it's toll on us. A wise friend who is a therapist to some very severely disturbed teens told me that the mental health of our family can not trump her mental health. We have to keep our family healthy to be able to help her. We haven't been doing that but things are about to change.
In the end I'll say what I told her special ed teacher in response to the email that explained the train wreck of a day she had yesterday....."I know this isn't a fun way to start the year but I assure you that if....no WHEN we get Oksana stable you will see the joyful, sweet child that is in there. I promise that she's worth it!"
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