Summer

I dreaded...I mean really dreaded this summer.  Last summer was so awful that I feared a repeat.  Granted Oksana is in a much better place than she was last year....still, lack of structure and routine are very hard for her.  I am thrilled to say that this summer has been much better.  Don't get me wrong.  We have had our ups and downs.  Oksana had one solid week that I honestly thought we were seeing the end of her stretch of stability but somehow she pulled out of it.  Now we are getting 2-3 pretty rough days a week but it's still so much better than last summer! 

Back in March we got a letter from school telling us the dates, times, and location of this summer's extended school year program.  Both of my girls qualify based on the fact that it has been determined that having school in the summer would help them retain what they have learned.  The letter asked me to check a box to tell whether or not the girls would be at summer school and sign it.  I asked Larry if I could write "Hell yes!" on Oksana's paper.  I knew this was the only break I would get all summer.  We had vacation the week after school let out, then there was 2 weeks of summer school, 1 week off, and 2 more weeks of summer school before a 3 1/2 week break leading up to the beginning of the new school year.  I was so nervous about that stretch.  A week here or there is one thing but that is practically a month with a child who thrives on structure and routine and has MAJOR mood swings when her life is out of whack.

So summer school started and the first few days were fine.  Then the fun ended.  First there was a rough day, then a display of aggression that left a speech teacher with claw marks on her chest, and it went on from there.  I was told that the class she was in was big and had a lot of kids with behavior problems.  She knew 2 people in the whole class...a para and a kid.  The teacher in that class was very well trained but I can only guess that because of the number of kids it seems that the para she knew was the one who primarily dealt with her, and she had other kids to care for too.  Because of that I think the goal became to do whatever needed to be done to keep Oksana from raging.  This led to problems at home.  When ever I didn't give her what she wanted or do what she wanted she started screaming at me that I was bossy and eventually told her therapist that I'm too bossy and that's why she likes her para.  In other words I don't give in to her to keep her happy.  I told the therapist that I had considered pulling her out of summer school and she agreed that if not this year, I probably need to rethink it for next year.  It just was not a good situation for anyone at that point.

On Wednesday she had another very rough day where she was so obsessed with the para that she spent her day screaming at people if the para was with them too much.  She refused to go to speech because she would have to leave the para and so they let her skip it.  This is a nightmare scenario for a parent of a child with RAD.  That day I told the para that I would let her go one more day to finish out the week (these are only 4 day weeks) and then she would not be back.  By now she had already been in for 3 of the 4 weeks.  There was hardly any time left and quite frankly I'm not sure she got a darn thing from the 3 weeks she was there.  It's hard to learn when you are in fight or flight.  So I pulled both girls out.  Anya's class was fine but if I pulled Oksana there was no reason to keep Anya there.  Considering that I'm teaching her sight words at home there was no academic value to it that she couldn't get at home. 

So after all of the fears about this summer, and especially that long stretch before school, I just added another week to it.  I feel good about it though.  I have very structured and predictable days planned with lots of fun as well as time for us all to learn, play, swim, cook, etc.  I'm hopeful that this will be good for her because I may not be sending her next year.  We will see what the year brings. 

I'll do a summer update with pictures and more fun stuff later.  :)