Hospital

I'll probably have to type this in small increments before I finally finish but I need to get an update on here!  Oksana is still in the hospital.  She is going to stay in through the weekend.  Hopefully she will stabilize and can be discharged on Monday.  If not we are going to start talking about long term care.  There is a psychiatric hospital in the city here that takes kids for a couple of months at a time and does some really intensive therapies, etc. to help them.  The doctors there are the best of the best in this field.  If she doesn't stabilize we will transfer her there.  If she does stabilize, comes back home, and then has to go in the hospital again she will go there long term.  She is currently on Zyprexa, Lithium, and Clonidine.  The fact that she isn't completely knocked out is amazing. If I was on what she is on I'm not sure I would wake up for a week.

Let me share what landed her in the hospital again.  Since her discharge on the 9th she has been up and down.  On Wednesday afternoon she had a GI appointment and her follow up psych appointment from her first hospitalization.  They were both in the same hospital so it worked out great.  I intended to tell psych that she had some definite areas of improvement but probably needed a tweak to her meds to help some of the agitation we were still seeing.  She had been aggressive toward herself all week and Tuesday and Wednesday had been aggressive toward staff at school.  So we went to GI and she was very upbeat and cheerful.  We found out that because of the increases in meds we had done to try to stabilize her she was completely backed up again.  Luckily we don't have to hospitalize her to clean her out, we got what looks to be a "fun" home regiment!

After GI we stopped for a restroom break before we went to her psych appointment.  While in the stall she had a question she wanted to ask me but she couldn't remember it.  She started to become very agitated to the point that I was afraid she was going to lose it right there in the bathroom.  I managed to get her out of there with a scene but nothing too terrible.  I needed to stop by the cafe to grab a water so I could give her her 2:00 meds so I put her in a chair while I got the water.  She started slapping herself on the head.  I could tell she was going downhill fast.  I got her meds in her and prayed we could just make it to the psych's office before she blew.  We made it up there, again with a scene but nothing bad.

She continued to be agitated there.  Every little thing was ticking her off and she wasn't calming down.  The psychiatrist (Dr S) called her in to her office and on the way in I warned her that she was agitated.  Once we got in the room Oksana was mouthing off to her.  She told her she isn't a princess she is a witch.  Dr S had a bit of a talk with her and then we went on talking about what had been happening since her discharge.  Oksana was continuing to be agitated and at one point stood up and started going toward Dr S.  She threatened to call security and Oksana sat back down.  Then she stood up again and grabbed a valentine off of her desk.  She smiled and said "Is this your valentine?"  Dr S told her that it was and that she wanted her to put it down and respect her space.  Oksana defied her and the doctor asked if she needed to go back in the hospital.  We started walking out to the hallway and Oksana said "I want a sticker."  Dr S told her she would not be getting a sticker so Oksana whipped around and grabbed her shirt.  She asked me if I wanted her to put her back in the hospital.  I said no and told her lets just get her out to the waiting room and see what happens.

We got out to the waiting room and Oksana immediately came after me.  I whipped her into a restraint.  Dr S asked if I needed her to call security.  I told her no because I do this all the time so just give me some time to see what happens.  After 15 minutes the nurse came out and asked if I needed help.  I told her that I had some extra medication in my purse and I was going to give it to her to see if it would calm her down.  Another 15 minutes later I still have her in restraint and the nurse comes back in to see if I need help.  I told her that if she didn't come down soon we would need to admit her.  Now realize all this time I have her pinned in a restraint, she is screaming her head off, trying to get ahold of me in any way she can, and screaming at anyone who walks by her, all while families are coming in and out of the waiting room.  I kept telling her that I wanted her to go home with  me but that if she couldn't calm down we would have to put her back in the hospital.  She said she wanted to sleep in her own bed but it didn't stop the behavior at all.  At one point I felt her muscles relax and thought she might finally be getting tired so I relaxed my grip.  She got her hand out and clawed my face so I put her right back in restraint.  The nurse walked in again another 15 minutes later and didn't even say anything to me.  She just turned around and left.  Next thing I knew security was coming in the room. 

The first security officer asked me if she did that to my face.  I knew she had scratched me but I had no idea how bad.  He was talking to her and then another and another security officer came in.  She was so shocked that she willingly got up to go with them.  They told her that they were going to take her to another office.  I asked them if they were admitting her and they told me they were.  We are still in the waiting room all this time with all of these families staring at us.  At that point I lost it.  I knew it needed to happen but when it really happened I just kept thinking "I can't believe this is happening!  I expected to tweak her meds and go home!  She was JUST in here!"  I was crying and crying but trying not to let her see me.  The nurse practitioner walked with me as they escorted her to the psych unit.  We looked like quite the entourage going through the hospital and there were plenty of staring eyes which just made me cry more. 

When we got up to the psych unit I sadly knew the routine.  It was quick and easy this time because she had just been there.  After I talked to the intake lady who knew me already and the nurse who knew me already, I went to say goodbye to Oksana.  She was perfectly calm by then.  I told her I would bring her a stuffed animal and some clothes the next day, gave her a kiss, and left her behind again. 

This hospitalization has been very hard on us.  We are just in shock that it happened again this fast.  You would think that with her being gone life would be easier.  It's not.  We are so out of routine it isn't even funny.  We are constantly fielding phone calls from doctors and hospitals, we are now having to fit in visits every day, and at the same time we need to maintain everything else in our life because we do have 3 other kids.  I feel like I'm barely keeping up.  I'm forgetting stuff left and right because my brain just literally can not hold everything.  I emailed all of my boys' teachers at their homeschool program to tell them what happened and ask them for grace.  I'm literally barely home during the day right now and I can not keep up with all of their work on top of everything else.  Luckily they are very independent but their teachers have been more than kind.  Clayton already got to take a test late so he could have more time to study. 

We have some of the most amazing friends.  We have had about a billion offers of help and I'm literally so overwhelmed that I don't even know what to ask for.  Right now my mind is overwhelmed with thoughts of how she is doing this weekend.  Regardless of whether or not she comes home it's going to be a very hard transition.  I'll try to keep this updated as best I can in the coming days.