Before I tell you what happened yesterday I should say that I am not a mom who feels sorry for Oksana. If that is what she was looking for then she really missed out! I've worked with tons of kids with disabilities that are much more involved than hers. If you feel sorry for them you will never allow them to reach their full potential. I love Oksana with all my heart but I push that little girl. She is capable of so much! When she falls people around her gasp in shock and rush to see if she is OK. We don't. We encourage her, tell her she is doing a great job, and expect her to get herself up. She has to learn to fall, it is going to always be a part of her life. Now, of course, if she really does hurt herself we are the first ones there with tons of kisses and cuddles, but really 90% of the time she falls fine and just gets right back up. I say all of this so you don't think I am a person who would normally overreact to much.
Yesterday, however, I was caught off guard by the depth of my emotions. We were at church where she is in a 4 year old class. Larry and I alternate weeks where one of us goes to service and the other stays with Oksana. This was my day with Oksana and our class went to our indoor playground for some free time. There is a fun, and fairly large, plastic play place with a slide in it. She loves to go down the slide but the reality is that it takes her FOREVER to get up the stairs. She is very patient and works hard to make it up, making the slide down all that much of a joy! The kids obviously can't be expected to wait behind her so they go around her as she goes up. Today she was going up and was almost to the top. A group of kids was coming down and they were really blowing by her. Just when I was about to tell them to be careful and slow down I saw her start to go backwards. She fell back and proceeded to fall down a few stairs before finally coming to a stop. She immediately started crying and I rushed to scoop her up.
It was honestly all I could do not to sit there and cry with her. I had to force myself to hold it in. I wasn't mad at the kids, they are 4 and didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't upset because she fell (see paragraph 1 :), I was just so sad at the injustice of it all. She works so hard to get to the top. Other kids make 15 trips down the slide in the time she makes 1. She was almost to the top and got knocked down and I was just so sad for her. I realized that this won't be the last time that she is "pushed down" because of her disability. I just wanted to sit there an mourn that for her, but I couldn't at that time. This afternoon I wondered if it would ever get easier and I've decided that on some level it never will, but I am committed to educating not only others (kids and adults alike) but educating Oksana about her disability and making sure she knows that it won't stop her from reaching for the stars!
7 comments:
nobody ever said this job was easy!! I feel your pain. We push our kids too. we love them and we take care of them, but we dont baby them. everyone of them has something to offer and has a way to be useful. no poor me I cant do anything. just not allowed. but yet they turn those puppy dog eyes on someone else (like the aide at school) and like magic they dont even have to do their schoolwork! or write their name! the aide will do it for him! IN KINDERGARTEN! it is a tough balance to maintain pressure to succeed and still be a soft place to fall. who can see the future? no one. but trust that there are plenty of parents who understand what you are going through.
You are an awesome Mom Erin!! Good for you, and for Oksana! I know what you mean about being sad though... it's a tough balance to keep.
I know you have not been on facebook, so there is not way you have read some recent conversations I have had with other moms!
Yeah, you are greiving her diagnosis, which all parents do. Interesting, I am at the same place...finally!
Even at age 4, kids can be taught to be more aware and helpful around kids with disabilities. In my daughter's preschool class there is a little guy with spina bifida. His mom came in and they read a book about the topic and talked about it. The kids have been awesome- they make sure he isn't left out of play, that he has a place in line, that he doesn't get knocked down. Yes, they are young kids and can become impulsive and forget, but they quickly get back on board and it has been a great experience for everyone.
You and Larry and the boys are the best family she could have.....Life is tough, but she has a super great family...So everything will work out...it always does....
She is so blessed to have you! You are there to push her to reach for the stars, but also there to comfort her when her heart hurts more than her bumps and scrapes.
I had a bittersweet moment last week. I guess it was just reality. My little one joined special olympics and when he met his team, they all hugged him and were so accepting! I am starting to notice "typical" peers doing more of the "checking him out" these days (which is hard for me), but these "special" peers just welcomed him into the group and he was immediately one of them. WOW! I think this is going to be wonderful for him. He will start aquatics in a few weeks.
it's not the disability, it's the Ability!
Her Ability is amazing especially for a little girl that probably never climbed a stair in Ukraine!
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